Scarleteen

hi i’m 15, female, and bisexual (i think, but honestly i’m not sure). i enjoy mlm media (books, movies, tv) and porn, but i don’t get aroused from it. i think i have more of an emotional connection to it. i am so attached to it in a way that i can’t explain, and there is something about mlm love that makes it so special. when reading or watching it, i feel sad that i can never experience that, and it makes me wish that i were born as a male. when talking to my friend about this, she said that i might be trans, but i’ve thought it through and come to the conclusion that i’m not. i wish i was born male, but i wouldn’t change the way i am now to be male or even identify as one, and i have more stereotypically feminine traits.

in relation to this, i am also attracted to gay/bi guys, but it might have to do with the stereotype.

is this something that’s normal? because sometimes i really wish i didn’t have to live wishing i was born another gender. does this say something about my gender identity or sexuality?

Hi there mossypebble, and welcome to Scarleteen.

First off, it's not at all unusual or strange to be interested in mlm romantic or sexual content in the way you describe. That's the easy answer to your post and I want to make sure I say that up front.

The harder question to answer is whether this interest says something about your gender identity or sexuality. I don't think there's any inherent meaning in it, or in any preference in sexual media, but it's certainly possible that it means something to you in particular. It does sound like this is bringing up some feelings of loss or unattainability for you; is that something you can expand on a bit?

Do you have a sense of how wishing you were born male feels distinct from wanting to explore your own gender identity now? (I don't ask this to criticize that position! There's nothing wrong with thinking "I wish this had been the case but I don't want to pursue it now," I'm just curious to hear more about your feelings here.)

the loss i feel comes from the fact that i cant engage in the sexual activity of two males, and in that sense, it makes me want to posses male features. i know that “gay sex” isnt limited to just two males, but there are some things i can’t do because i don’t literally have a penis (like giving anal) ive searched for alternatives like strap ons, but i just don’t think it’s the same. (sorry if my language is incorrect, i’m not very familiar with using it.) in a romantic point of view, i want to experience a relationship with two males where i am one of them, because there’s something special about that that i can’t explain.

i think it feels different because this side of wanting to be born male only exists when i am thinking about being in a sexual or romantic relationship with others, and not in other aspects of my life. in other aspects of my life, i sometimes feel gender dysphoria and i believe it’s possible i’m not a cis female, but definitely not strongly enough to be trans. also, i know how hard it is to fully transition to another sex both emotionally and physically, and i don’t think that is something i can or want to go through. there is a lot more to this, but i’ll just say that i am quite feminine and i enjoy being what i am currently, and i think my personality and traits resemble that of a female. in my life currently, i wouldn’t choose to pursue that, but if i had the choice to be born again, i would choose to be born male.

Hi mossypebble,

Let's actually dig into that desire to be one half a male/male couple a bit. When you think about what makes it seem special to you, does it feel like that's about the dynamic between the two people? About the expectations that might exist in that kind of couple? Just the experience of being with someone who shares your gender? None of those?

Since you mention you feel dysphoria from time to time, and that you suspect cis woman is not necessarily the identity that fits you best, can you give me a sense of how much you've been able to explore your gender identity? On those days when you feel that dysphoria, have you ever been able to do things to your gender to make the dysphoria lessen or go away?

I do want to say that there are some trans or non-binary folks who don't experience much (or any) dysphoria. Too, when you think about yourself having feminine traits, what things in particular are you thinking of?