Finding ways to express myself sexually

[campyglitterlex]

So let me put it this way. I'm a 16 almost 17 y/o trans nonbinary teenager, not comfortable sharing my assigned gender at birth. I am also not comfortable masturbating or having sex with my sex specific genitals until I have gotten bottom surgery. I have not dated anyone yet but if I do I plan on telling them that I am not comfortable having sex unless it is anal, until I have gotten bottom surgery.
The problem is, I want to be sexual somehow. I've never masturbated but I want to try anal masturbation. I know how to get lube without them checking my identity I'll just have to figure out how to do it without my mom knowing. I'm also a very queer and campy person, and I like things like wearing fishnets and sexy clothes. I'm also a songwriter and I want to write songs about sex, but I'm super nervous about sharing them with other people. I have a lot of sexual energy, I mean obviously I'm a horny teenager. I'm also super nervous about my mom finding out, she's supportive but there's some things you just don't share with your parents lmao. I'm also really nervous about porn, I want to watch porn but I'm nervous my mom will find out or it'll put viruses on my computer or it'll ask me for my age (I don't like lying because I'm autistic but that's a whole other thing), also nervous that if I masturbate I'll moan and my mom will find out. Also I'd probably only want to watch gay porn, and I'm wondering if there might be gay porn with campiness and such. Does anyone have any tips or answers for any of these things? Thank you!

[Emily N]

Hi campyglitterlex, welcome to Scarleteen!

It’s understandable that you don’t want to share everything with your mom, privacy is important! Are you looking for more ways to access privacy? In regards to worrying if people can hear you masturbating, 1) are you able to keep a fan in your room for white noise? And 2) often we are more aware or anxious of our noises during masturbation than others, so it might seem louder to you than it actually is! If you are nervous about buying lube, coconut oil can be used. In regards to anal masturbation, there are a few articles I’d recommend! If you have specific questions about anal masturbation, we can talk about that too.
- D.I.Y Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition has some great ideas on how to use your hands and other materials for masturbation without having to spend money or find a location to buy sex toys.
- Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation gives a great overview on ways to frame and engage in masturbation.
- I Feel Good: Pleasure and Fulfillment gives good suggestions about seeking pleasure outside of sex and masturbation. I love this idea, because at some points, masturbation isn’t the best source of pleasure. Some of the things this article gives to create pleasure can still be sexual (taking a bath, or like you suggested, wearing sexy clothes!)

It also sounds like you are seeking other sources of pleasure surrounding queerness and sex, like sexy clothes and songwriting. That’s awesome! You mentioned that you are nervous about sharing your songs with others - is this something you want to do in the future? If so, maybe we can talk through some things that make you nervous, but also the things that make you excited

[campyglitterlex]

Thank you for the sources! Mostly what makes me nervous is getting made fun of or having my friends think I'm weird for being sexual, but someday in the future yeah I would like to share my songs, obviously when I'm an adult though. I'm currently working on an album that's more related to mental health and such, but I also have a couple songs I've been working on that might be for an album that's related mostly to sex.
Yes, I have a fan in my room. Unfortunately I'm not allowed to lock my door for safety reasons, and if my mom tries to open my door and sees that it's locked she'll get very concerned and think I'm self harming or something. That's something I'm very worried about. But maybe if I try doing it when it's late at night or when I'm home alone that could work.
I guess I'm worried because I'm very turned on by the thought of anal masturbation but I'm worried since I know it can be painful and can take some getting used to, that I'll give up or something or I'll be really disappointed.
Thank you for the help!

[Carly]

Hey campyglitterlex -- sounds like there's still a lot on your mind, and we're happy to help talk through whatever you need us for. Being yourself is hard, but I think trying to hide who you really hard and what you really feel is almost harder sometimes. I think a lot of people you know are also having similar thoughts and might be also worried about sharing them. Would you consider talking with your friends more directly about these feelings?

And regarding anal masturbation, I think the Going Solo resource Emily linked to will help with a lot of concerns you may have. I saw that you said that you're working on getting lube -- highly recommend waiting until you have it to try experimenting, or using an alternative like Emily mentioned. Lube 101 will help you understand the differences between each kind!