Scarleteen is closed for the next two days, so that's Thursday, October 31st (for Halloween) and Friday, November 1st (for Diwali). We'll be back and able to answer your questions on Saturday. Catch you soon!

How to get out of hanging out with someone

Questions and discussions about relationships: girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, partners, friends, family or other intimate relationships in your lives.
Hel
not a newbie
Posts: 154
Joined: Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:19 pm
Age: 25
Primary language: English
Pronouns: Any
Location: N/a

How to get out of hanging out with someone

Unread post by Hel »

—- please don’t think I’m heartless; I just don’t want some person I don’t really know trying to make plans with me nonstop —-

Here’s the story:

I just moved, and I used to live here so I know a few people. This one guy - we can call him “E” - is someone who I used to hang out with at my old school. He’s not really my friend anymore (for various reasons) and more of an acquaintance, if anything.

I told him I moved back. That’s common curtesy, right? I only said it in case I bump into him in town because it’s a really small town - not because I want to hang out. I’m on a completely different walk of life than him.

Now he’s kind of trying to make plans “not to pressure you but let’s hang out soon” and that sort of thing. Ugh! I don’t want to. I wish I hadn’t texted him. I was just trying to be nice! He’s a year younger than me and I suspect he has a crush on me too so I really don’t want to hurt his feelings.

But seriously, I don’t have a moral obligation to hang out with him - I haven’t seen him for two years. We’re not even friends, and I honestly didn’t expect him to want to make plans - I just thought he’d ask how I’m doing and we’d end it at “maybe see you around”. :cry:

How do I let him down gently? I’ve never had to say that kind of thing before. How does one reply to the following: “ No pressure because I know you’re probably swamped with things to do, but whenever you’ve settled we should schedule a time to hang out”?
Coral
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 39
Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2021 10:16 am
Age: 25
Pronouns: she/her
Location: MD

Re: How to get out of hanging out with someone

Unread post by Coral »

Hey there,

It can be hard to say no to people sometimes, but saying no doesn’t make you mean or a bad person. You’re right- you don’t have a moral obligation to hang out with them! I’m going to link a great resource with some scripts on how to say no to this exact situation: https://captainawkward.com/2017/06/12/9 ... ur-friend/

Some things the article highlights is that saying no can take some practice and might feel uncomfortable, to not imply that you can’t on a certain day, and to not apologize. Let me know what you think- is saying something like “Thanks for the invite, but no” something you could say?
Hel
not a newbie
Posts: 154
Joined: Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:19 pm
Age: 25
Primary language: English
Pronouns: Any
Location: N/a

Re: How to get out of hanging out with someone

Unread post by Hel »

Thanks, that article is perfect. I used a similar format to one of the suggestions in it and I hope E will understand.
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic