Crush on my Best Friend and I Can’t Tell if They Feel the Same

[Winter]

So I have a crush on my best friend of a few months (non-binary, 13), and I have no idea if they feel the same way about me. For a bit of context, a few days ago one of our mutual best friends had a party with us and some other mutual friends of ours, and we ended up playing spin the bottle. By the end of the game everyone had kissed everyone else, and people were also just kissing each other for fun, I guess. But as the night went on, my friend was very touchy with me specifically, and I reciprocated it.We were really close and I was in their lap/they were leaning on me pretty much all night. They were really possessive/protective of me too. We ended up kissing a lot over the night, and cuddled and slept together. (not in a sexual way lol) Then the next morning we played truth-or-dare and they made a ton of comments and stuff about doing the more sexual dares with me (all consensual, you could pass on anything you weren’t comfortable with) and other people started commenting on it too, as well. (they ended up giving me a hickey as part of a dare, and a lot of kissing and stuff, but nothing too bad) Except they rarely initiated kissing me, but did seem to really enjoy it, and got flustered and really happy when I played along with some of the dares. And then today in the locker room they were making jokes about how the hickey was getting color, and I said it didn’t really hurt much, so they said they’d bite harder next time. We kissed a few more times over the day. They’ve also made jokes about us dating before too. But then this afternoon I checked to make sure they were still comfortable with everything, and they said they didn’t really care if I kissed them or not. I played it off as normal, but now I’m very confused because before it seemed like they probably liked me, but now I’m not sure it wasn’t just a joke/platonic, and I don’t want to risk ruining my friendship with them/our mutual friends by asking until I know for almost certain that they do actually like me.

I thought it would be a good idea to get an outside opinion to get some advice about the situation.

Thanks for reading, sorry it’s so long.

[Sofi]

Hi Winter, welcome to the boards!
That does sound pretty confusing and I can understand why you're hesitant to say anything. The truth is, there's no way to know if our crush likes us back unless we ask or they tell us. That's what's so complicated about relationships--communication is key, and sometimes communication is hard! Of course you don't want to risk tainting your friendship, but it also seems like you two have crossed some lines already that are hard to just ignore. So it might be the best option, if you do like this person and it's driving you crazy not knowing what the last few days meant to them, to just...ask. And I know that's scary. But it might be sooo worth it!
Also, you seem to have a really good idea of how to respect your crush and all that good stuff, BUT these articles might have some other helpful info in them! <3
A summarized article about do's and don't's of crushes: Quickies: Crushes
How to take the positive risk of telling a crush how you feel: Risky Business: Learning to Consider Risk and Make Sound Sexual Choices

[Heather]

Hey there, Winter, welcome to the boards.

I can totally understand how you might be feeling confused. Those messages in terms of both actions and words certainly don't all feel in alignment and so feel confusing!

I wonder how you might feel about giving all of this a little more time to play out? It might be that some of why your friend's words and actions are confusing is that they, themselves, are feeling confused or overwhelmed? It sounds like that was a whole lot happening in a pretty short period of time, and I wouldn't be surprised if both of you felt pretty dizzied by the whole thing, you know? Rather than going in with the emotional big gun, as it were, I'd suggest giving your friend and the thing a little breathing room and time to marinate in the aftermath of this.

I don't mean you don't talk to them or hang out with them, or even that you aren't affectionate if that's feeling right. I just mean that maybe *right* now isn't the time to try and advance anything, period, or even keep up with what's happened up until this afternoon. Know how when you're on one of those spinny pieces of equipment at the playground how at a certain point, you have to get off for a while and get your equilibrium back before you even know if you want back on? This might be like that. Perhaps give your friend a few days and then see how things feel then to decide if it feels right to say something or not?

[Heather]

(Obviously Sofi and I have slightly different opinions, but there's no right one here, so feel free to take whichever advice feels best to you!)