Concerned about my friend

[Hel]

So a girl I’ve known since I was really young has been doing some pretty sketchy things lately. I’m not really close with her anymore, but I still care about her and want her to be okay but lately I’m really worried for her and so are her parents.

She’s doing a lot of pornographic content on some different apps and websites. Technically she’s 18 so it’s ‘legal’, but she’s never done this kind of thing before and she has so much potential with her life. She says it’s a job to pay for stuff, but she’s really talented so I don’t see why she can’t get a different job that’s not porn.

I just don’t understand her thinking. I don’t think porn itself is bad, per say, but for this girl, it has negatively been affecting all of her relationships, including ours.

I just don’t know what to do. I don’t think I should reach out because I don’t want to complicate things but I’m just really upset because I’ve known her such a long time and I feel like she’s throwing her whole life and personality away. Can someone tell me what to do? I’m really lost.

[Coral]

Hey there! I’m sorry to hear you’re upset. It can be hard sometimes to navigate situations with a close friend.

While what your friend is doing may be legal, that doesn’t always mean it’s good. I agree that 18 is young, and the porn industry can be harmful and exploitative, especially to young women.

You mentioned her relationships have been negatively affected. If she is only doing this as a way to make money, it might be worth it to reach out. Maybe you could let her know how it’s been affecting your relationship with her and discuss some other ways she could make money. I also want to add that while your concern from her is valid, I’d avoid any judgement. You said you don’t understand her thinking, so maybe ask her to explain how this all started.

Ultimately, it is her choice. If she decides she wants to continue, you could ask her to research some ways to better protect her identity and safety online. Let me know what you think.

[Sam W]

Hi Hel,

I want to add that it may be helpful to think about why sex work feels in conflict with the idea that she has a lot of potential or like it's her "throwing her life away." It sounds like she's told you that it's a means of supporting herself; that's the reason plenty of people do it, just like plenty of people take crappy retail jobs or dangerous manual ones. And lot's of people who do sex work do it to support their other goals. While there are certainly risks that come with it, including the trouble that can arise down the line if an employer finds out and holds it against her, nothing about sex work inherently means someone is throwing away their life. Does that make sense?

[Hel]

Thanks for giving me some things to think about. She seems to be in a better place luckily, so I’m not stressing over the situation anymore.

[Sam W]

You're welcome! And I'm glad both she and you are in better places.