Confused

[Berry124]

Hi, I have two questions to ask, the first is I found out that when living with me my sister had chlamydia, is there any way that I could get it from her by using the same towel that she did after showering. Also I am a but confused about something regarding sperm and hand washing, why is it that when washing my hands after a hj can I smell the ejaculate by my nail, I washed my hands six times with soap and water vigorously, then went to the loo and washed them again, yet why can I smell it on my hands under my nail? I thought washing my hands was enough to get it off and I just ate dinner with my hands ??

[Berry124]

I understand that pregnancy risk is not possible when performing manual sex, washing hands with soap and water and going to the loo as this is indirect contact, but why can I smell it under my nail. This is a weird question but I don't understand how I can smell it when you say it's enough to get rid of all semen, thx

[Heather]

Honestly, if you have washed your hands even once, let alone six times, then there is nothing to smell, and that sense of that smell is likely psychological. Especially since anything to do with any of this is an anxiety trigger for you. It's kind of amazing sometimes what our minds can do all by themselves.

I'd be sure when you have that intake that's coming up soon for mental health you mention things like compulsive handwashing and smelling semen that is no longer present. Those kinds of things can give your therapist some very important information about your anxiety and how it's manifesting for you.

And suffice it to say, I'd still personally advice you step away from sexual contact until you can start getting some help with your anxiety, learning to manage triggers and help figuring out what you can -- and should be, for your mental health -- even handle with sexual activity at this point.

[Berry124]

Well that's what I thought too and having a past of paranoia this worries me, yet I haven't had a scare in a month or more and I have been doing sexual things including manual sex and just washing my hands once. Is it really possible for your mind to play tricks on you? I swear I could smell it yet everything says that washing your hands once even without sop is enough to remove semen?! I washed my hands the first time, but could smell it on my hands and had wiped my hands with a towel which I continued to use for drying my hands.

I still have another three weeks until my appointment. I want to do these things but the worry is always there even when I know all the facts like it being indirect contact, it's just embarrassing to talk to someone about ad Im scarred that they will think Im weird and stupid . What about the question bout my chlamydia and STI transmission?

[Heather]

Anxiety -- and other kinds of mental illness -- absolutely can impact you in these kinds of ways, including thoughts, or even sensory experiences, that are based in that illness, not in reality.

Please know that when you are seeking out this kind of healthcare, you are somewhere where there is no shame in people having mental illness, just like there isn't in someone having, say, a cold, leukemia, cancer or fibromyalgia. To you, especially if you were raised with mental health stigma, it may seem really different, per something to be ashamed of, but mental healthcare providers would not choose that work if THEY felt that way. They do not feel that way. So, even if you do when you go in, it's probably helpful to just blurt it all out anyway, reminding yourself they don't think this is 'weird and stupid," and then letting yourself have the experience where you do disclose this, and get to see, straightaway, it will not be treated as weird and stupid.

(I do not see any question about Chlamydia here? However, if you're asking us for information based on your anxiety again, or for something we have already explained around risks, please know I'm not going to go there, because we need to stick to our limits, particularly since we largely have them to do what we can to help you best, not keep you obsessed or triggered.)

[Berry124]

Oh I guess that does make sense why the facts around my anxiety don't persuade me when deep down I know they're true and believe them.

I understand, I am just nervous about what they would think of me, I suffer from pretty bad anxiety and even when meeting new people and going somewhere different.

Sorry I posted the question and realised I forgot to ask the other question so edited it and this may be why it wasn't seen. I had a question about Chlamydia because I found out that my sister had chlamydia for several years when living in the same house as me and was wondering if using a towel she's used after shower would be a risk or sharing drinks with her(although we were never that close so that hardly ever happened)?

[Berry124]

My parents don't like washing towels after every use as it's supposedly a 'waste' so they keep the same towels in the bathroom for days and more than one person uses it Pretty gross in my opinion.

[Heather]

You know, I think it's safe to say very, very few people wash towels after one use. The way your parents go about it is how, in my experience, most people tend to, and there isn't anything unsanitary about that when people are only using towels to wipe hands or other body parts they have just washed.

I also suspect that some of why this bothers you so much is, again, probably linked to anxiety. Being very concerned with germs, often unrealistically or unsoundly so, is one of the most common ways anxiety plays out for people.

Chlamydia is not transmitted that way. Can you please make sure and search the site before posting questions, as everyone agrees to do in the user agreement? Thanks.

Here's how it is transmitted: The STI Files: Chlamydia.

[Berry124]

Oh yeah, that is true. Sorry I have read up on it before some time ago on the site but I didn't understand what it was saying. Thank you sorry about jumping to the question. Can I ask something I'm not sure if it makes sense, why is it that I am fine one second then suddenly panicking the next. I decide not to do sexual stuff, the panic goes away, then when I do do sexual things it comes back. I also went on birth control to stop paranoia but am on antibiotics at the moment so the paranoia is there again. Is there something wrong with me the fact that I keep doing this to myself, is that something I should mention with a Councillor/therapist?

[Heather]

So, when we've talked to you about anxiety and triggers, has any of that already been something you know? Or do you need some information about anxiety and triggers? Or anxiety and compulsive behavior (if you are saying you are doing sexual things, by choice, but when you don't want to)?

If so, happy to give you some anxiety resources to educate yourself with.

[Berry124]

Well not all of it no and I don't mean it's compulsive behavior but it's the triggers that I find I don't understand because I choose to do things, I am fine with it, then when something worries me all my past fears and thoughts come back. Those resources would be helpful to me I think if that's ok thank you The doctor gave me a leaflet about anxiety to look at but there was limited information about anxiety on it and it didn't actually mention anything about triggers and causes of anxiety and I don't know where best it is to find correct information upon it.

[Heather]

This is a good place to start: https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/get-help/about-anxiety

And this is a nice rundown about anxiety, causes and triggers: http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/causes/triggers

[Heather]

Mind, I am going to hold to the fact that clearly, doing sexual things is NOT sound for you. So, I get wanting to do them for all the reasins we do want to be sexual. But since you yet have help managing how it triggers you, and it triggering you is clearly causing you a great deal of suffering, unless you feel that that sexual contact is so great for you otherwise, it is worth all of this, I think you could help yourself a whole lot, rigt now, by just taking it off the table until you can start getting the help you need.

In other words, even if you do not totally get the why of all this right now, you know sexual activity is causing you to suffer. So, if you choose to keep doing what you know is causing you suffering...well, you are going to keep suffering.

[Berry124]

I was fine with it as the pill gave me comfort as I always wanted to go on it since I was 15 and I still dont understand my body in terms of a cycle as if I get any pms near my period I thought I was pregnant but I am on antibiotics and if im right it can stop the effectiveness of the pill and so the worry is back and I have weeks until my appointment about my anxiety.

I want to do things yet when I feel down my anxiety flares up and all the worrying happens its like im constantly up and down with my anxiety. One week its fine and im happy then the next week im worrying and my anxiety isn't just about doing sexual things but also about my health like I will think I have cancer or having heart problems and having a heartattack. Ive started to get moments where my heart races fast, my hands go clammy, I feel sick and extremely warm.

[Redskies]

Having big worries about health is a common manifestation of anxiety. Anxiety, too, can cause physical symptoms, just like you've just described.

May I make a couple of suggestions? First, did you have a look at the Anxiety Uk link Heather gave you? There's a lot of information and resources on that site, and they're really good. They do also have a helpline, which might be a really good option for you when you need to talk to someone about the things you're experiencing. It's what they specialise in, too, so they're likely to be able to help you better than we can

Second, in the histories of your conversations with us, I can see a lot of things about anxiety: the sorts of patterns you have with it (like the ebb-flow), the thoughts you have, the things you worry about, the physical feelings you have, the responses of your family, your fears or doubts about people thinking you're stupid instead of supporting you about it. Can you go back through all the conversations with us and copy-paste anything like that into a document? That kind of list can be a very useful tool for you, to help you see more clearly and identify some of the things that are going on with you, and it's also likely to be very helpful to a mental health professional, for them to be able to see more quickly and easily where you're at.

[Berry124]

I did read the link yeah and I read a bit about panic attacks and I realise I experience them. Im not sure how to copy and paste the conversation as I dont have the conversations saved anywhere. With the antibiotics, why is it that they effect the pill? The doctor didnt say and I wondered.

[Redskies]

If you click on your username on the boards and then look at all your posts, you can see all your conversations on the boards.

Most types of antibiotics don't make a difference to the pill's effectiveness. For the few that do or may, I don't know the biology behind that - I think you'd need a medical or pharmaceutical expert to be able to tell you how it works If you're not having the kinds of sex that have pregnancy risks, it's not a problem to you, though. Antibiotics don't magically disappear the hormones you're putting in your body with the pill, so not much changes for you If you're feeling a bit off, it's more likely to be whatever you're taking the antibiotics for, the antibiotics themselves, or anxiety.

[Berry124]

Oh ok im not very good with technology so hope it works. Ok my doctor said to me(even though I said I not having any sex that can cause pregnancy) that the effectiveness of the pill is affected? I am taking a ten day course of antibiotics for scarlet fever so thats a long time and have just three more days left of taking them. Ive never had vaginal or anal sex, never had a bare penis touch or even near my bare genitals nor my anus heck I havent even had my bare genitals touched by anyone so I know that the antibiotics and pill effectiveness arent anything to worry about but I just wondered.

[Redskies]

The doctor would need to tell you that the effectiveness may be affected IF you had those kinds of sex, otherwise they wouldn't be doing their job responsibly. If they didn't tell all their patients that, and then a patient started having those kinds of sex while on the antibiotics, that'd be bad for the patient and the doctor

[Berry124]

I was wondering if there is a way I can look at my past conversations on your live chat service to help me aswell. I did copy paste and print one bit of a conversation and have highlighted it and read it aswell as pasting more information to help support the conversation and it helps to have all the facts right there in front of me.