Scarleteen

Basically what I said, I've never been able to see or feel my clitorus, vagina, inner lips, any of that. It's like my mons and labia majora are just really big. I'm fat, and it's always been like this. is this normal??? how do i explore my body when i cant even find anything? what happens if i go on T???? i dont know how to talk about this with anyone

Hi stormweather,

What you're describing sounds within the average variation folks experience with their genitals, and like it's just part of how your body is shaped, but that doesn't mean it can't also be kind of frustrating. Have you ever tried a self-exam with a mirror? If so, how did that go?

If you're worried about how this would interact with you going on T, it may help to know that the part of your genitals most likely to change is your clitoris, which will enlarge when you're on T.

Hello Sam,

I have tried a self exam with a mirror, but it was awhile ago. I plan to try and do it again, but we don't really have mirrors that work. It's just frustrating, your right. It's good to hear that it sounds normal, but I feel a lot of nervousness about how it will impact my sex life. Plus, I worry that I'm not doing a very good job keeping it clean.

I spent some time with a mirror (i found one that worked!) and i think i found the inner lips! I got hard first, which did the trick. the thing is, because im fat, my outer labia are so big and chunky that its really hard to find. this is a big source of insecurity for me. all the places that talk about variation in vulvas dont mention what it can look like if you're fat! i plan to lose weight (i gained a lot over quarantine, so im much above my comfortable weight), which im interested to see the effects of. i want to speak about this to my lover, who I am talking to about having sex, but its certainly scary! I will continue to use the mirror to try and find the vagina (i have never been able to use tampons because i couldnt find it. i once fainted in a pool bathroom trying to do it haha). how does one become more comfortable with insecurities like this?

Hi Stormweather,

Hooray for finding the right mirror! And you're right, even with a rise in representation of genital diversity, fat bodies are still under-represented. Hopefully the more you explore, the easier it'll become to find things down there.

With those conversations with your lover and insecurities around this overall, can you give me a sense of how sexual communication is between you two generally? And do they tend to make you feel very positive about your body?