Hair Down There and Embarrassment

[Jo809]

The hair surrounding my penis has always left me embarrassed. I have been told that I have a tremendous amount of hair on my body, and it grows rapidly. I fear that one day a girl would see it unshaved and immediately be disgusted. I know every girl has her preference, but there must be some standard for how much hair should be down there. I also wouldn't want a girl getting any of the hairs in her mouth or cause her discomfort. I am incapable of shaving it all off so should I just shave as much as possible?

[Siân]

Hi again Jo809,

I promise you there really isn't a standard amount of hair to have around your genitals - whether you have a penis or a vulva. Perhaps you've seen a lot of images of shaved genitals in porn or the media, but in real life some people have long, natural hair, some people shave everything and others use clippers for somewhere in between. All totally normal, and different people are going to feel best with different amounts of hair.

Hairs in the mouth are a pretty common part of sex - whether that's long hair from your head when you're kissing, or from anywhere else.

What do you think would make you feel best in your body?

[Jo809]

I don't necessarily feel a certain way in either direction. The stipulation would be whether another person saw it. Then I would be embarrassed. Overall, I don't mind if mine or anyone else's genitals are shaved or not. I also never realized your point about most media I see display clean-shaven genitals. That may play a role subconsciously in my mind to why I have embarrassment on this subject matter. To me, it would come down to a partner's preference. Would asking a partner's preference, be a possible solution? After all, I would only be embarrassed if they care. Still, I would be a little shy to ask. Or is there another way to think about this situation?

[Heather]

I think that if you felt like you felt best asking a partner if they have a preference, then that is absolutely something you can do. There's no "right" in your own choices about what to do to your body, and I'd say that includes the why of those choices, you know?

I do think, though, too, it's worth recognizing the value of building trust with people before we expose parts of ourselves we have a lot of vulnerability around. Taking time to build trust and only choosing to expose parts of your body you feel very self-conscious about when you have that trust can go such a long way when it comes to how comfortable we feel. I would say that that is usually more likely to create a feeling of comfort with our bodies with others than trying to conform our bodies to what someone else likes. If you feel really safe with someone, chances are good that you're not going to feel embarrassed about any part of your body, or, if you do, getting through that both together and in your own mind can be a really valuable experience with long-lasting positive benefits.