Scarleteen

So, I’ve been pretty confused about this for a while. (Im a 15 year old girl btw)
So I’ve tried touching myself a lot, like In bed, just rubbing my clit and stuff, and the thing is, I can’t get aroused. At all. I mean, it feels nice, but by nice I mean like when you scratch an itch or something, not tingly and stuff. Everyone says it feels amazing but When I try it, it feels like I’m touching just another body part, really. Every now and then I feel little shivers buts that’s about it. My heartbeat doesn’t change, I don’t get wet or anything, even though I’ve been going at it for ten minutes or so. There’s just no buildup. Nothing. No matter how horny I am, I can’t relieve myself to save my life.
I’ve tried vibrators and stuff, same result. Reading erotic stuff, porn, i don’t get aroused, it just feels like I’m watching two people do stuff, like watching a boring movie.
Is there anything I can do to help myself do this? I’m getting sort of desperate.

Hi Frustratedcat,

Since our brains play a big role in our experience of arousal and the pleasure we get out of masturbation, let's start by working out what things you find arousing. You mention sexual media doesn't do much for you; are there fantasies or things that do? You mention you sometimes get really horny; have you noticed what things lead to that happening?

Well, yes, I mean sometimes I get wet dreams and stuff and when I wake up I feel like it but I can't do anything? Idrk I'm not good at explaining. Like, with crushes and stuff, i imagine kissing them and that sort of gets me in the mood but not enough to feel anything whatsoever.

That detail is actually really helpful, thanks! I think you might find some of the advice in this piece really helpful for creating situations where masturbation has the best chance of feeling good: How to Approach Sexual Fantasy and Desire on Your Own Terms

Can you give me a sense of how much you've experimented with different kinds of masturbation? While some people do find touching their clitoris with their fingers or vibrator feels best, plenty of other people need different kinds of stimulation in order to feel pleasure.

So, I’ve tried vibrators, they don’t feel any different to when I Use my fingers. Like I said, I’ve done this for a while now so I’ve tried virtually anything I could get my hands on, except for the obviously risky ones
My clitoris is kinda smaller than what people say it’s supposed to be? Idk. When I touch that spot it’s sensitive, but if just feels owie owie, not fun, but if I use a vibrator or something softer It doesn’t feel “arousing”. More like I’m just touching any other part of my body.

Got it. Can I ask if there are ways of receiving touch or other activities that create physically pleasurable sensations (sexual or otherwise)?

Well… I’ve kissed a girl before and that didn’t feel that bad, I remember getting kind of shivery but isn’t that the minimum?
I sometimes hump my pillow. It’s not… sparkly and stuff but it feels ok and it doesn’t build up.
Other than that I don’t rly know.

Do you think you can set aside time in the next few days to explore things that might be pleasurable for you, even if they're not sexual? Sometimes having a clear grasp of what sensations bring us pleasure in general can help us when we're navigating masturbation. This article can give you some starting places: I Feel Good: Pleasure and Fulfillment