Scarleteen

I recently have feeling like having sex but I also feel slutty and awkward talking about it and I came here because my mother said you guys may be able to help because you are more educated in how this works. I have only been feeling like this recently like in October, but I have been having sexual fantasies and even dreamed about having sex. I want to watch porn but its against the law and my mom says that most porn is fake and that most of the sexual content on sites like PornHub can also be unhealthy, non-consentual, and be between underage partners. The other day my self-control slipped and I looked up rule 34 of a character in a show i like, and I couldn't look at it for long because I felt so guilty for looking at it and felt scared and anxious for the rest of the day. I need help

Hey Draconiquist -- your mom is right, this is totally a space where you can talk about things like this as freely as you like. Up top I just want to assure you that our staff and volunteers would not find this awkward and I can confidently speak for everyone when I say that we aren't making assumptions or judgements about you or your sexuality. We're happy to help!

The short answer is yes, it is very normal to feel this way around this time in your life. I don't think you "need help" to fix anything you've talked about here, but perhaps some reassurance and tools to understand yourself instead. I want to ever so gently push back on what your mom said about porn. She's right in that it's fake - meaning, it's a fictional situation meant for entertainment purposes, much like a movie we'd watch in the theater. And yes, unfortunately sometimes sexual media is made with underaged performers and/or performers that get into non-consensual sexual situations. Seeing that kind of stuff without any context can be confusing and make us have unrealistic expectations for sex that can hurt our self-esteems. However! The desire to want to read or watch sexual media like porn or fan fiction is not unhealthy at all.

Here are some articles on our site that I think might help you figure some of this out:
Making Sense of Sexual Media
Reality Checking Mainstream Porn
Undoing Sexual Shame
How to Understand, Identify and Make Choices About Desire

Also, when you talk about feeling guilty -- why do you think that is? Have people in your life told you that masturbating or feeling sexual feelings is bad? It sounds like you and your mom might talk about it, has she ever discouraged you from doing other things besides watching porn?

There is a lot of stigma against underage sex, masturbation and anything sexual and I think I feel guilty because I will get my parents in trouble and make them disappointed in me if I do have sex or watch porn. I have talked to to my mother and she says I shouldn't have sex until I am of age (its 18 in my state) and says when I'm older if I am interested she will help me find healthy, real, and consenting porn but I should stay away from that side of the internet until then. She doesn't discourage me from masturbation but I don't do it because I feel embarrassed about it (and honestly don't know how to do it with my hands and my mom says she feels uncomfortable buying a vibrator for a teenager).

Hey!

You're totally right about stigma- that's a huge reason why a lot of people feel guilty for having sexual feelings. The feelings you're having are normal and extremely common, but sex and masturbation are both completely normal and healthy. Your mom seems like she is very open to talking to you about sex and masturbation and that's great! I'm also glad to hear that she doesn't discourage you from masturbation- this can be a great way to explore sexual feelings without some of the risks of sex with a partner. I'm going to include an article on masturbation that might help you out: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodi ... sturbation

Hope this helps!

I also want to point out that masturbation issex. The idea that sex with a partner is something *radically* different than sex with yourself is really a false idea. For sure, there are obviously a whole bunch of risks involves (physical, social, etc.) that there aren't alone, and there's a social experience that we don't have alone that is a whole, which not only includes us getting things we don't get alone, but having to think about and do things we don't have to alone (like consider someone else's needs and feelings). They really are two different kinds of one thing -- sex -- rather than two different things altogether, like it's easy to think, especially if being with a sexual partner isn't an experience you have had yet to know that, if you get me.

Also, in the event that you are interested in toys, but bought toys aren't an option: D.I.Y. Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition.