Help? Not sure how to feel anything while masturbating this way.

[amara23]

I'm a 14 year old female who wants to try fingering, but like many other people on this site, I can't actually feel anything pleasurable when I insert anything into my vagina (that being my finger so far. yes only one, it's definitely too tight for more than that). All I feel is pretty much uncomfortable/bored cause I can't feel anything, but since I'm curious I keep trying. I'm not completely new to masturbation, for a pretty long ("long", not really lmao) time I've been using a rubbing method and it feels perfectly fine. My boyfriend and I have talked about this but only a little bit cause we're waiting until we're 15 to actually try fingering. He knows I'm kind of scared of doing it and he's being considerate and respectful. I can literally insert a whole finger and feel no pleasure whatsoever. How do I feel pleasure? I've read a good amount of boards with people with my situation asking about it and I still cannot figure it out how the heck to do it. I'm only comfortable with my fingers at the moment cause my vagina is literally too small for like everything, plus I want to familiarize myself with my fingers first. Usually when I'm aroused and try to finger myself, I give up and resort to the usual rubbing method most people use. I just wanna know what it'd feel like for when my boyfriend and I do it, I don't wanna sit there and be like "well sorry can't feel anything that sucks :I". I'm also afraid if I break my hymen it'll hurt. Does it? I'm genuinely concerned about that part. I know it probably takes time before getting used to fingering, but I just wanna know if there's a way to feel it next time I try, and I'm uncomfortable talking to my mother about this stuff. Help please?

[Urna]

Hello Amara23, and welcome to Scarleteen!

The fact that fingering doesn't feel like anything special for you is completely normal. In their response to another user who had the same issue as you, our founder Heather explained why it's completely normal for many people with vaginas to not feel much at all when they're inserting stuff in their vagina:-

The vagina all by itself, particularly past the first inch or so, is not rich with sensory nerve endings. Not at all. That outer third, closest to the vaginal opening, contains nearly 90% of the nerve endings of the whole vagina, meaning the back two-thirds have but 10%. That's why, for instance, people with vaginas can put in a tampon and, when it's in right, not feel it at all or even forget it's in there. That's why childbirth, even though it is painful for many people, does not feel like being run over by a semi (though it depends on who you ask: point is, if the vagina was overfull with nerve endings, it'd be a lot more painful than it already is). And that's also why, for a majority of people with vaginas -- not just you -- vaginal intercourse or manual sex (fingering) that's only about the vagina does not often tend to result in orgasm or in big pleasure.

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I would highly recommend reading through the whole article: I Didn't Feel a Thing With Fingering: Is There Something Wrong With Me?. What I'm going to be saying here will largely be a repetition of the article's points.

Now, as you may know, the reason your rubbing method feels good is because you're stimulating your clitoris. The clitoris is packed full of nerve endings, and for a lot of people with vaginas, pleasure comes largely from the clitoris. You could take a look at this article on the parts of the vulva and this one about sexual response to learn more about that. For fingering to feel good, you could try the rubbing method before and during the fingering--one doesn't have to stop for the other. Fingering by itself doesn't work for you, but if you're stimulated via the clitoris before and during the fingering process, you'll feel pleasure regardless. Do you think that's a good idea?

You said that your boyfriend is considerate about your fear that fingers will hurt. Have you considered telling him that just fingering does nothing for you, and that for you to feel pleasure, it's possible that you'll have to spice it up using other sex methods? Sex, like all other aspects of a relationship, requires communication to be good, and the two of you are doing a great job at that already, it seems, so you could try sharing this with him. Penetration isn't the only sex act out there, or even the main one. Many, many people with vaginas don't feel much pleasure at all from penetration. So maybe you and your boyfriend could look into other ways of having sex that don't involve penetration. I think it may be helpful if you two fill out this checklist Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist to figure out what kinds of other things you could do, either aside from or alongside fingering!

I'll address your hymen question now, quoting from this article:

Since the vaginal corona isn’t a brittle membrane the sensation when you first stretch out the mucous tissue folds – whether you’re inserting a tampon, masturbating or having insertive sex – is a highly individual experience. Some people feel no pain at all, while others, with a thicker vaginal corona, have reported some pains. There may be minor ruptures in the mucous folds that hurt, and sometimes there may be a little bleeding. For a person with a vagina to enjoy vaginal intercourse – regardless of how many times they have done it and what is being inserted in the vagina – they need to be aroused and lubricated (wet). If they're tense and have difficulties relaxing, it may hurt more. It doesn’t matter whether it’s the first, second or tenth time. It’s important to recognize the key role played by a person’s mind, whole body and clitoris in sexual arousal and enjoyment. The clitoral glans, for instance, contains thousands of sensory nerve endings – more than any other part of the human body. This sensitivity is the reason why so many people enjoy clitoral stimulation.

I kept the last couple lines about clitoral sensitivity in there as a reference to the fingering points. Do you have any questions about any of this? Please feel free to ask!

[amara23]

Hi,
Thanks for the article! It helped a lot.

In response to the clitoris stimulation and fingering question: yes, I think that's a good idea and I'll be sure to try that next time! Thank you so much for bringing that idea up, not sure why I haven't thought of it before.

I'll definitely be sure to talk to my boyfriend about this too. I read through the checklist myself and I'll for sure share that with him later.

As for the whole hymen thing, thanks, it helps me calm down a bit knowing it might not hurt at all haha.

I do have one more question though- how do I stretch out the opening to my vagina? Like, I can't fit much in it right now other than just a finger. Should I try anything to help, um, expand it? I'd really appreciate it, I'm still very new to this whole insertive-masturbation thing.

[Sam W]

Hi amara23,

I'm glad the article helped!

As far as "stretching" the vaginal opening goes, it's not something you can create a permanent change too (this article does a good job explaining why: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advi ... _tightness). The main things that make inserting objects during masturbation easier are having lube handy and being aroused; so, when you're masturbating, the more turned on you are, the easier it will likely be to insert your fingers.