Scarleteen

Tampons don't fit.
My vagina is extremely shallow. I cant even fit a whole finger in it without touching my cervix. Maybe two thirds of a finger, and I have small hands. Technically I *can* use tampons but it the very tip sticks out and it is impossible to even pee without having to completely change it. And that got me thinking, is there anything slightly off about my vagina, and will it be hard for me to have piv sex? I heard vaginas get taller or something when you're aroused but I don't notice anything different when I touch myself.

Hi Irissy,

You are definitely not alone! Many people find it difficult or uncomfortable to insert anything into their vagina, or describe their vagina as very “tight”. For a longer response to your post, someone else asked a very similar question in this advice column. Here is a quick summary:

It is true that the size of your vaginal canal changes in both width and length depending on your level of arousal. The more aroused and more relaxed you are, the easier it will be to insert anything (including tampons). Does it feel more comfortable when you are using the smallest size of tampons? You can also try using lube to see if that changes how it feels. The most important thing you can do is listen to your body - don’t push yourself too far if it feel uncomfortable, painful, or makes you anxious. You can take all the time you need!

If it would make you feel better, you could visit a gynecologist to rule out any conditions that could be causing discomfort using a tampon.

Well, it's not tight at all and I can wriggle my fingertips around there without it hurting. It's more how shallow it is. Tampons don't hurt, they just keep falling out and can slide in pretty easily, it's that my vagina is too shallow for it to fit in fully lengthwise.
Yes, I have tried smaller tampons but they are still too long and I can feel them rubbing against my cervix. I know it's my cervix because I can feel it with my fingertip.
I don't know if that cleared it up a bit

Hi Irissy,

Thanks for those details! When you touch your cervix, what you would describe it(the cervix) as feeling like?

A raised lump with a hole it it, like a tiny volcano, really. I know it’s my cervix because I can’t go much further in other than the base of it. Is that what you need to know?

It is! I think a sound next step would be to check in with a sexual healthcare provider for an exam and talk with them about some of the issues this is causing. Do you know where to start for accessing that kind of care?

Well, not really. I live with a single dad-
and I don’t know how to get access to something like this without a really really embarrassing conversation. He is kind of virginity obsessed where he will literally forbid any kind of penetration and if I say I wanna go to like the gyn or something he’s gonna go Gyn visit?= sex = no more virginity= boom angry dad.
Is there any way I could go without needing to trigger something like this?
Btw I know this because I have an older sister

Hi there Irissy, I'm really sorry to hear that your dad is holding these incorrect notions about virginity (it is really a social construct, you can read more about it here), and inhibiting your capacity to get healthcare at the moment. However, there are some ways at your age to see a GP alone, and soon to also have your own Medicare card, which I'll outline below:

1. In Australia, whilst you are 14, you can't yet get your own Medicare card, but you are allowed both to attend a GP appointment on your own and consent to minor healthcare procedures (see more information here). You're also able to control your "My Health Record" and who sees it (see more here). If the GP clinic has your Medicare details on file, you could see your regular GP there, or choose another that you would feel more comfortable with. A GP who lists "women's health" or "sexual and reproductive health" as one of their specialties/areas of interest in particular could be someone you could speak to about this, and consent to an pelvic exam if you'd like, but they may be able to just discuss this with you, too. Particularly with the COVID situation at the moment, a telehealth appointment with a GP of your choosing could be a great start. This guide from Youth Law Australia include more info on the above and gives you a great step-by-step: Your rights at the doctor at Youth Law Australia

Or if you'd prefer to go to a new GP's office, or they don't have it on file, you can ask for the card to see the GP, but more broadly make the reason about something you'd feel comfortable telling your Dad about at first. Do you think you'd be able to attend independently using one of the above methods?

2. Once you turn 15, you'll be able to get your own Medicare card and attend appointments independently, which would also make attending a specialist referral more straightforward in the event that you need to go. Here is the information about how to do that: 'How to get a Medicare Card' guide by Headspace.

3. If you're comfortable sharing your state and nearest city (eg. NSW, Sydney or Newcastle etc. or VIC, Melbourne, Geelong, Bendigo etc.), I can take a look to see what specific sexual healthcare clinics/community healthcare centers there are in your area. Or you can use the QLife QDatabase for referrals (you need to scroll down to the very bottom of the page, or can ask them to operate it for you in their webchat.)

Thank you so much
I'll look into it and see what I can do. I might ask my older sister about this too, maybe she can help me get it all sorted out.
Have a lovely day, then.

You're welcome! We're still here if you have any more questions, want more help finding a doctor or to talk about what your sister or the doctor say