Scarleteen

Hi, I'm 24 and cis girl(she/her) I wasn't sure if it was necessary, but I thought I'd include my gender? Just so you know, this is going to be kind of long and I hope I'm not asking anything that's like too much or too weird. Anyway. I identify as asexual and have always felt I was on the ace spectrum since I was about 16 and recently I realised I was also aro! However, I do masterbate and it wasn't until recently that I actually got a vibrator and got more uh into it, lol. And I think I've experienced orgasms before, but I'm not exactly sure? Because I'll get this feeling of pleasure around my vagina(it usually only happens when I used my vibrator which has a clit stimulator as well as a dildo on the other end, unfortunately I can't really fit the dildo in me, at least not yet ) but I get the feeling around my vagina, and the clit, and it feels great, but it's not an overall feeling in my whole body(although I still feel good after it happens). So I'm wondering if I'm not doing something right. And it's hard for me to describe the exact feeling I guess. I'm also not sure if I am female ejaculating? Or making "cum"? My vagina does get wet and I know my body keeps making more fluid as I go along, but it isn't like a huge amount you see in porn or read about in fanfics. I just can't tell if the fluid that I'm making is the ejaculate? I have felt a little feeling of it coming out when it happens, does it all sort of flow out slowly or is it supposed to be all at once? Basically, I am unsure of what exactly is going on. I've has these questions before, but I didn't really have the need to ask. However, I'm in a qpr with one of my bestest friends who lives in a seperate country. And a while ago we talked about finding each other attractive in a romantic sense and it wasn't until recently we both told each other we were also attracted sexually. We are both aro though so the qpr we have is perfect as it isn't a specifically "romantic" relationship. And he's the only person I've ever been genuinely sexually attracted to. And the reason I wanted to bring up my topics were just so I know what's going on with me so in the future when we are able to have sex, I can communicate with him better about what happens with my body specifically? He's a SUPER understanding and kind and patient person and absolutely not judgemental. So I don't have worries about him ever being disappointed or mean. So yeah, I'm sorry this was so long, and thank you for taking the time read this!!

Hi Tessa707

To start out with, if what you're doing during masturbation feels good, then I'd say it's right in the sense it's the right thing for you! Something we often encourage users to do is to focus less on the "goal" of orgasm and more on just what feels good, since that tends to take the pressure off and make masturbation more enjoyable overall. If you haven't read it yet, this article goes a good job describing how different states of the sexual response cycle feel: Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide. Reading through that, does the description of orgasm match anything you've experienced?

When it comes to ejaculate or general vagina lubrication, every body is a little different. Some people tend to produce a lot of lubrication, others find their bodies don't generate much no matter how turned on they are, and most people fall somewhere between those two. Ejaculation is sort of separate from general lubrication, and it's not something that happens for every body; it's a involuntary response that can happen during sex or masturbation. If you're curious, you can read more about it here: Squirt: On Ejaculation