Scarleteen

Hi! Thank you!
I've been reading articles about women "reclaiming public spaces", wearing what they want and going to public parks at night as an act of "undermining the sexist structure of (South Asian) society", and I want to start doing this too, in my general daily life!

I would like to wear what I want to, without taking into account what my family and other people I know are going to think about my "bad, provocative habits". (which doesn't mean I'm not going to be aware/alert in public places and it's going to be my fault if something bad happens, people )

Actually I don't even know yet what this means for me because I live with my parents and I haven't ever gone out with friends (people other than my parents, I mean), but I'll be going to college soon, and that's probably when I will start making actual decisions about this.

What I want to think about is, if I do this (act according to non-patriarchal viewpoints), and I really want to, how might I deal with these bad reactions by relatives and such people? How do I block sad feelings and not second-guess myself if my dad is irritated or "sad" because of what I'm wearing, but I know I would feel worse later if I gave in?

I also feel pretty insecure about this; I constantly feel like I'm wrong or making a big deal out of things like this. Can I fix that??

I would love help making sense of these decisions I've made and what actions I can take from now.

hey iloveeveryone -- my answer is simple but true: you simply cannot make everyone happy. It is especially hard to stick with your convictions when you know that you will disappoint people. At the end of the day, how you feel is the most important... even though it can be hard to guide yourself on that sometimes, and that causes many to second-guess what they should do. As for how to block the thoughts of others from clouding your own judgement and feelings, I think the first step is thinking about your own priorities. Why is it important to you to embrace non-patriarchal viewpoints? What kinds of things do you want to re-write or define for yourself? Maybe making a list would help ground you in the way you take action. Though this is important to you and I would never sway you away from making those changes for yourself, I want to remind you that there is no time limit or other constraint for you to make those changes within. If you would have less anxiety when you are off at college to make these changes, that is also very ok.