Scarleteen

Hello staff, I'm a 22-year-old in need of some advice related to self-pleasure and sexual wellbeing.

For a long time I've only used vibrators to pleasure myself. Those have been perfectly satisfactory. However, in recent months I've felt growing interest in trying penetrative toys.

I finally bought a G-spot vibrator that was recommended for beginners. But when I tried to insert it, it was impossible, even with lots of lube and foreplay to relax myself! It felt like a solid wall was blocking the tip from being inserted. It was so solid that it almost felt like bone... It wasn't actually painful, it just felt completely impenetrable.

Based on my research, I don't believe I have vaginismus because it wasn't painful, and I don't have any emotional/psychological fears around sex. The reason why I want to try penetration recently is because I find the idea genuinely arousing, not because I feel a societal pressure to "get it over with". So, I've also ruled out anxiety as the culprit.

I've tried examining myself with a mirror to figure out what's going on. I'm able to identify different parts (eg: outer/inner labia, clitoris) but I've never been able to find the "hole" of the vagina. This makes me wonder if I have an abnormal hymen? Although I know that a hole must be there (because I have a normal period), I've never been able to fit fingers inside without hitting the "impenetrable wall". The fact that I'm unable to see it also makes me wonder if my vagina sits at an unusual angle?

Currently where I live, most sexual health clinics are telephone-only due to Covid, so I know I won't be able to get checked by a doctor for a very long time.

Meanwhile, do you have any advice for what I could do to understand what's going on? And any tips to get past this annoying obstacle?

Hi there irondeficient, and welcome to Scarleteen.

The vaginal canal is actually not entirely a straight line and can sit at varied angles for individuals, and this might not be intuitive at first. Have you ever tried inserting anything that is a bit smaller than a toy? Say a finger or a tampon or menstrual cup before? Trying with a finger might help you see if that is possible, and if so, get a sense of your own internal layout a bit more because you'll be able to feel where you are going. It is possible that you are just hitting the side of the vaginal wall with the toy.

In terms of being able to see your own vaginal opening, when you've used a mirror, have you tried tipping back a bit (you can use pillows/the side of the bed to support your back) to change the angle? You may need to support the mirror with some towels too. You might also find that using your fingers to gently spread apart your labia might help you see things more clearly if you haven't already.

If you experience difficulty with inserting a finger/can't see the vaginal opening (or even if you can but finding it tricky) seeing a sexual health provider sounds like a good idea. For most services that have gone telehealth, even if your initial appointment is online, if the practitioner ascertains from the appointment that you need an in-person exam, then they can organise that. Having people do a telehealth first to determine that this is necessary is a measure to reduce foot traffic in the clinic as much as possible, with an acknowledgement that not all appointments are suitable for telehealth appt. Does that make sense?

Hi Elise, thank you for the tips!

Good to know that there's a lot of variation for the angle of the vaginal canal (I didn't know this until now).

I've never used tampons before, but this is due to personal hygiene/lifestyle preferences, not due to a fear of penetration. I've never been able to insert any finger beyond the 2nd joint.

I think I'll take your advice and try contacting a sexual health clinic!

Hi irondeficient, glad to help. Being able to insert a finger that far bodes well for you being able to locate the opening in a mirror. It might also help to generally feel around what you can feel there (putting lube on the finger may help), if there is a slight bend you can navigate, or if you might be able to feel your cervix (which feels like a round, raised circle with a dimple in the middle — it’s most likely to be at the top of the front vaginal wall (closer to your belly button than to your back). All the best for getting an appointment with the clinic!