Uncomfortable reading the articles here

[Astra]

Hi! Sorry if this post is similar to some others here, or if you've already addressed it, but I couldn't really find anything...

When I'm reading the articles here, I often get uncomfortable when it comes to particular sexual stuff. Not exactly the place for a sex education site, I know! But... I'd like to overcome this, so I can learn more.

I'm perfectly okay around any medical or informal terms around sexual anatomy and things related to sex. But when I'm reading about masturbation, or how the nerves, organs and muscles work in regards to things like pleasure and orgasm, I start to feel... kind of uneasy or squicked out? I have a female reproductive system and all that's often associated with it, so that tends to be almost all of what I read about on here. I also have gender dysphoria to do with my genitals (which often hinders my own sexual desires and stops me from masturbating), so that might play into it?

I think it might be because in those moments, what I'm reading are things that apply to my own body - and that might make me uncomfortable due to dysphoria, or anything else I haven't untangled yet. When I'm reading more "loose" sexual articles on here - about the general functions of the sexual anatomy (from a medical standpoint and not really applied to anyone) or about sex and desire itself - that same feeling of discomfort isn't really present.

Also, I really don't think I'm asexual, but I could be sex-repulsed when it comes to particular things. I'm not sex-repulsed in general, but I don't know if what I'm mentioning here is sex-repulsion. Either way, it's something I really want to overcome.

Sorry I couldn't be more specific... I was just wondering if you've dealt with things like this before, or have any ideas on how to combat this? I'm not sure if just exposure is enough, because I've been lurking here for a while and it hasn't improved by much, if at all. I want to be able to read the articles here without feeling uncomfortable, squeamish or uneasy.

[Elise]

Hi Astra, sorry to hear that you're struggling with feelings of discomfort at the moment. The level of detail provided shows you have a great level of self awareness, so no need to apologise for a lack of specificity, you actually have noticed a lot about yourself and that isn't something that comes easily to everyone.

It is also totally okay to take a break from reading content that is bringing you distress, so please do not feel that you need to keep trying right now or to deal with everything straight all at once.

Would you say that your response to articles that focus on the reproductive system of people with penis and testes cause the same level of discomfort for you as those focusing on people with a reproductive system that matches your own? If you can articulate that, that might help you consider whether it is the personalised sexual content or the gender dysphoria you are experiencing that is feeding in to this.

With regards to the dysphoria that you are experiencing at the moment, do you currently have any support from a counsellor, therapist or mental health service? If so, this is something that you could definitely talk to them about. If you currently don't have support, we could assist with pointing you in the direction of referral services, if that could be of use?

[Astra]

Hey! Thank you so much for replying and for all the kind words.

I don't think focus on the reproductive system of people who have a penis makes me uncomfortable... For example, if you were to reply to someone asking about going about impregnating someone, I wouldn't be uncomfortable. However, if you were replying to someone who was asking about how they could get pregnant... different story.

An example of what makes me uncomfortable is giving advice in response to someone about masturbation, I believe. I think if you were talking about masturbating with a penis, I would still feel uncomfortable, but maybe in... a different way? I'm not sure. I'll have to look into it. But I often feel envious, since I want a penis, so if I did feel discomfort, that might be a reason why. The discomfort would also be milder. It's when people talk about vulvas in the same context that I start getting more of the "squeamish" feeling.

And no, I'm not receiving help. I unfortunately can't due to my parents, but I would really love to... It's because of me being closeted that I can't visit anywhere in person, or pay fees for mental health services. I would be very enthusiastic about receiving help for my dysphoria, but it just doesn't seem at all feasible

[Carly]

Hey Astra -- Much like Elise expressed, I think it's amazing that you're so self-aware and willing to explore what's going on for you when you read through material on our site. Based on what you described, it sounds like you may be a little sensitive to reading material that makes you feel especially aware that you don't have a penis -- does that seem like an accurate way to articulate how you're feeling?

As for seeing someone, I'm sorry to hear you're limited right now. Something that I did want to mention is that your sessions with a therapist are confidential, excluding cases where you express plans to harm yourself or others. By law, they couldn't out you to your parents or anyone else. Would you consider talking about seeing a mental health professional with your parents on a more general basis, without disclosing anything you don't want to? Would they be willing to help with fees in a case like that?