Scarleteen

I’ve had a kink/fantasy for a while now, and even though I know it’s kind of just a fantasy now, it really disgusts me because it’s weird and gross. I really really really really really wish I could just be 100% vanilla, because after thinking about it and masturbating, I actually feel like throwing up, and once I actually did. I want to be normal and I hate it so much. I don’t even know why I have it but I want it gone, because if I ever find someone romantically I don’t want to be around them while this is in my head. Please help, is there a way to get rid of liking this???

Hi there redrook18, I'm really sorry to hear that you are experiencing so much distress. Before we head into the discussion, do you have any self-soothing or distress tolerance techniques that you know that you could use? I'll put some links here for you that might help if you need some/some more:

• Self-Care: A La Carte!
• Self-soothing vs. self-care

Also, it may help for you to have some distracting non-sexual media you can redirect yourself to so you can give yourself a break from engaging with something that is bringing you distress. If it's media with a narrative, a puzzle, particular genre of game etc. have some cued up, or other activity that engrosses you, have that at hand.

Moving into the reason behind the distress you are feeling, do you have a sense whether it is the imagery of the fantasy is making you feel distressed, or is it more the idea that you have a kink for this fantasy, and how that might be received by others and/or thoughts about what that might mean about you as a person? If you're comfortable sharing this, even if the answer is that you're not sure, this can help us take the conversation in the most useful way to you that we can.