Scarleteen

Hello,

I'll just cut straight to the chase: I am very intimidated by oral sex. I enjoy receiving it and so does my partner, but I've never done it before until now. I tried doing it with her but I'm so embarassed by how bad I probably did! Please pardon my explicit language moving forward.

First, I didn't expect the vagina to smell so strongly. Second, I didn't expect it to taste so strongly either (very tangy and acidic). The two combined made me gag; I tried so hard to hold it in. I don't want my partner to think it's her, when it's entirely me! I'm very new to sex and I feel like I'm experiencing a learning curve due to past trauma related to IPV.

I would greatly appreciate any guidance on this matter!

Hey, jellycat. Welcome to the boards. I'm happy to try and help you with this.

I think the first step here is to just talk to your partner and communicate with her. You can tell her you feel intimidated, you can tell her your responses were not about anything being wrong with her, and you can also tell her that some of learning sex for you is impacted by your IPV history. And with that in the mix, it's likely that is impacting both your feelings and how your body reacts to things. All of those things are okay, and okay to share.

You might also want to think a bit about what you might need when it comes to this so you can talk about that, too. For instance, do you feel like this is all happening at a pace that works for you? If not, and things are moving too fast, or you feel like you have to do things you might need some more time to ease into, you can ask for that. (And just in case this is something you're thinking, just because your girlfriend is ready to be the person who provides sex for you with her mouth doesn't mean you have to try and make yourself ready for things to be "equal." Equality in sex is something we can create without doing the same things to each other when that doesn't feel right.)

If you need some time to adjust to how the vulva can smell, especially, say, after a day of being inside pants and everyone we do in a day, you might find that showering or bathing together first is helpful for you. Again, you can be clear that this isn't about anything being wrong with her body, but about trying things to help you ease in here that work for *you*.

Can you think of anything else you might need and want to ask for?