Scarleteen

Are sexual fantasies okay? Specifically, is fantasizing about my partner okay? I feel like I'm violating them when I imagine them having sex/making out with me while I'm masturbating. And I feel a bit guilty about it, like I'm doing something wrong.

Hi honeybutterbee,

Having sexual fantasies about people, including your partner, is absolutely okay! When we're attracted to someone, part of how we experience that attraction can be including them in our fantasies when we masturbate. And because fantasies exist only in our heads, we're not violating or otherwise hurting people by imagining them in sexual situations because those situations aren't real. Does that make sense?

Oh okayy.. yeah, it makes sense. I'm just struggling a bit because I'm trying to be a sex-positive person and currently unlearning things from "purity culture" imposed by my family and school and it's very very internalized in me. anyway, thanks a lot, Sam!

PS: sorry for the late reply

You can always reply in your own time - no rush

Also, we have a bunch of articles on purity culture which you might want to take a look at, right here: Impurity Culture