Scarleteen

I have a few questions related to holes of the genital area, both about partnered sex and masturbation.

I'm a nonbinary person with a vagina who hasn't transitioned medically at all. I have a cis boyfriend and we're fairly sexually active but haven't done anything penetrative. Neither of us wants to have intercourse, however we are interested in him putting his fingers inside me while doing manual sex. Unfortunately, every time he tries, I feel like there's a force field around the vagina opening that just makes it really uncomfortable, so I tell him to stop and he does. I'm not sure if it's physically painful, or if I'm just nervous. I told him it feels like a force field and he suggested maybe it's my hymen. I've never used a tampon because that also scares me a lot, and I've never had penetrative sex or penetrated myself, so my hymen is probably intact. Do you know what could be causing this? Is it likely to be physical or mental or both? If it is the hymen can I break it without directly touching it?

I've also started masturbating more frequently recently, and I want to try to penetrate myself just to see how it feels but I'm a little worried, mostly about purely anatomical things. My main concern is what if I put my finger in the wrong hole? I don't want to accidentally give myself a UTI or something or end up in pain. How close are the holes to each other? Would it be an easy mistake to make or is this not something I have to worry about?

Thank you!

Hi purple_giraffe,

Let's start with that "force field." It's possible that what he's feeling is the vaginal corona (a more accurate name for the hymen). The corona is located 1-2 centimeters inside the vaginal canal, and while it's not a brittle sheet that can be "broken" in the way some people think, depending on the exact shape of it he could be pressing against it some way. A whole bunch of things, including vaginal discharges, hormonal changes, menses, masturbation, and sex can wear the corona away more over time, rather than there being a thing that "breaks" it. If you're curious, you can read more about it here: My Corona: The Anatomy Formerly Known as the Hymen & the Myths That Surround It

It's also possible that he's not running into the vaginal corona, and instead you're feeling tense enough that inserting anything is going to be difficult or uncomfortable. When you try manual sex, are you both really aroused and really relaxed? And is there lots of lube being used?

As for those worries about accidentally putting a finger in the wrong hole, this article actually walks you through how to find the different parts of your genitals: Innies & Outies: The Vagina, Clitoris, Uterus and More. That includes diagrams that show you where everything is.