Scarleteen

Hello

I had sex with a sex worker, in riding position,i ejaculated inside the condom, she kept going after , mine went flacid, when i told her to stop and she got off, i found my penis without a condom, however it was covered in my cum the condom apparently was stuck in her vagina, she removed it, and cleaned mine

She says she doesn’t have HIV and undergoes periodic testing, and for some extent i don’t believe the regular testing part, as we are in a country that doesn’t regulate sex workers activities and health

I’m a very anxious person, and it is very difficult to get tested here….
Finally my questions are

What are the chances of contracting HIV if she was positive from this scenario ?

I need online, secure and private counselling service ( paid or free)
to help me give up the habit of visiting sex workers, given the sad fact that i’m married with one kid

Hi Phantompains, welcome to the boards. I'm sorry this is causing you some anxiety, I'll start with talking about the condom incident because we don't want that to keep happening. Condoms slipping off like that sometimes happens because the condom is too large or doesn't fit properly, so I'd recommend making sure you're using the right size for you to avoid this happening again in the future and causing you stress. The other thing I recommend is as soon as you ejaculate to hold the base of the condom so that it stays on, you can hold it up until you go take it off safely.
As far as the risk of contracting HIV, vaginal sex is a high risk activity which is reduced when using condoms, but in this case it's hard to know how much contact with fluids you had. I wish I could give you a magic percentage, but we just can't know how high the chances are other than if the condom stayed on up until the very end, it's not SUPER high chance, but there's still always a chance. So, you said it's hard to get tested where you live, is it possible? I'd recommend, for your own safety and your spouse's if you're still sexually active with them, that you try to get tested in about 2-3 weeks (it won't be detected right away). Do you know of any places you can go get tested? Your doctor's office, a free clinic?

Regarding a private online counseling service to help you with the habit mentioned, are you looking for something like a therapist that specializes in this, or something else? Does it matter if it's a US-based service or do you prefer it in a different language? I've asked my colleagues to help me come up with some in the meantime, so we will get back to you on that.

Thank you so much for your reply and highly appreciated empathy and understanding

I agree on the difficulty of determining how much contac happened, I’m sure it remained inside the condom during intercourse, and after going flacid, i didn’t hold the base of the condom, so when it was pulled out, the condom itself was stuck inside her vagina and my penis was covered by my own cum
Due to overthinking , i stressed myself thinking was it my cum or her sectetions ! Was it out of condom eralier than that ? Was there any exchange
I’m Pretty sure it remained inside the condom during the whole process and due to lubricant effect of my cum and the fact it went flacid inside the condom and remained inside her vagina for some seconds, it was easy to slip when pulled out

Nearest chance to get tested is after 3 months, i will withhold any sexual activity before getting results


I would appreciate recommendations in counselling services if in arabic to help with my current anxiety and giving up this habit

Hi Phantompains,

It's likely that she or you (or both) would have notice if the condom came all the way off during sex, so it's likely that it slipping off when you pulled out was the first time it slipped.

In terms of finding counseling, while I can't recommend a specific location, I can give you this article, which goes over the steps to help you find a counselor that fits your needs: Process This: Getting the Most Out of Therapy. A common way to start is to search for "therapist in [your city]" as well as make sure you know whether you have things like insurance that will help cover the cost of it.

Hello Phantompains,

This was really useful. Hope you are okay now.


Best wishes,

Sam

Hi, I experienced the exact same situation with a female sex worker, where she kept going with riding on top for about a minute after I ejaculated and my penis became more flaccid. After pulling out, I realized the condom was not on my penis, and I got very worried and I went to take a shower immediately. I regret not checking the condom myself, but she says my penis most likely came out of the condom while pulling out. I am feeling very anxious now, and my mind is in all places trying to think of the risk of contracting HIV from this incident and what to do. I keep trying to recall if the condom slipped out during riding before ejaculation (can we feel it?), or during riding after ejaculation, or during pulling out after ejaculation, and whether it matters. But based on my feeling and memory, it is most likely that I did ejaculate into the condom. I am feeling very anxious, and I am thinking if I should start PEP (post exposure prophylaxis) drugs, or am I too worried. Can anyone help to advice me? thank you in advance for reading my situation, I really appreciate any and all help and advice

Hi avocadomorning,

I'm sorry that this situation is causing you so much stress. Since it's a similar situation to the one at the start of this post, does the advice Sofi or myself gave previously offer any help?

Too, if it's an option, you could also ask the person you had sex with if she knows her STI status, as that would help you gain a better sense of if there were any STIs you're at risk of contracting from this and need to ask for a test for. I do also want to point out that her being a sex worker doesn't automatically increase the chances of HIV being present; like any partner, one individual sex worker might be more or less on top of their sexual health than another.

Hi Sam, thank you very much for reading my comment! I am very grateful for your help to have someone to talk to in this stressful situation, it makes me feel so much less alone

So I did talk to her after this incident and she brushed me off and says she is safe, but I have no way of contacting her as she is a casual sex worker only doing this part time, and she has flown back overseas and she is not replying any messages. Anxiety keeps asking me what I should do and how much can I trust her as she works casually and she does it for fun, But you also have a point that she should be on top of her health in this regard and I could worry less

I am thinking if I should start PEP, but I am afraid of the side effects and if the side effects will affect my daytime work and draw questions from family and friends, as it is true that I feel a lot of guilt and self loathe from putting myself into this situation. On the other hand, I feel that the condom could have really slipped out only after my penis went flaccid after ejaculation, and this means my risk is non-zero but very low. I read a study that says that the risk of transmission via vaginal intercourse is low, but other websites say otherwise. What should I do and how can I calm myself further?

So, ultimately in terms of worrying less, you are just going to have to work on letting this go. It is something that happened in the past and, save potentially using a PEP, something you can't do anything about. Self-loathing also isn't going to help you out here. In the wise words of Elsa, let it go.

I would talk with your healthcare provider if you are considering PEP. They're the right person to help you make this choice.

Otherwise, you'll want to just perhaps consider making different choices moving forward, choices where you're okay with all the potential outcomes or consequences from the beginning, or at least feel like you can handle them.