Scarleteen

it's been six months since my last assault(?) happened, but I'm not if what happened to me is considered abuse, assault, or rape because all of those things seem super scary and almost everyone I know irl has told me it wasn't that big of a deal. I just really want answers to what happened to me would be classified as so I can finally not feel guilty saying I'm not sure what it was when people ask me.

- Sawyer

Hi Sawyer,

Words like abuse or assault can feel intimidating to use, and unfortunately we live in a culture that still very much minimizes the experiences of survivors and encourages them to see what happened as "not counting" as assault. Do you want to talk a little bit about what you went through?

i'm not?? super good at talking about it yet because I'm still working on not blaming myself on what happened. so just!! bear with me please :]

I used to take ballet (i was in it for about 11 years, and quit around this time last year) with this person I met in the class. she was super nice to me at first but eventually got Really comfortable being around me, for example she would constantly put her hand really far up on my thigh or grab my butt at random moments even after I told her to stop. Last year we were at our recital, we were sitting next to each other and she grabbed me by the throat and started undressing me. I tried to push her away and tell her to stop but I couldn't breathe and she was a lot stronger than I was.

a lot of why people say that what happened to me wasn't really bad was because she is afab and so am I (I'm trans ftm though) and I think a lot of people have the opinion that afab people can't assault people which is dumb and Definitely not true

Talking about this kind of stuff is hard, so it's absolutely okay if you're not sure how to articulate things or if there are things you aren't ready to discuss. We're here to support you, and that means letting you take things at the pace that's comfortable for you.

What you're describing absolutely meets the definition of sexual assault, and I'm so sorry this person chose to do that to you. It sounds like she had a pattern of ignoring your boundaries and it's awful that it culminated in her actions at the recital. Sadly, you're right that a lot of people downplay assaults by afab people, and I suspect that's why some people in your life are telling you it wasn't a big deal.

Given all that, what would be the way we could best support you right now?

no its okay!! you are absolutely already doing enough! thank you though! I'm not. used to people being this nice to me. I just wanted to know if I was overreacting or labeling it as the wrong thing by calling it assault

thank you so much for all your help /g

You're so welcome, and I'm glad we're able to help you out with that language! In addition to getting support here, if it would help we could also talk about how to broaden your support network so you feel like you're not alone in navigating all this.