Scarleteen

Hi,
I'm a male and I have to admit I'm terrified of causing an unwanted pregnancy.
I am totally pro-choice when it comes to abortion and I totally support that a woman is the one taking that decision, it's her body after all.
I understand that in some cases an abortion can be troubling and hard for women, but even so I admit that I am jealous that women have total control about their future in case of an unwanted pregnancy.
The decision to have an abortion can be hard, but at least a woman has that option (and good for them! It's awesome they have that option).

As a male I am very careful using protection, but the reality is that men only have one not-permanent method... condoms, and it's really scary if you really think about it that your whole life can change if for some reason that method fails. Because after that, any decision that can be taken is not up to you (taking plan-b or having an abortion).

Because of all that, I really don't enjoy my sexual life. I always have that thought in the back of my head.. even when nothing seems to have gone wrong.
Therefore I am seriously considering having a vasectomy. I know it's a drastic solution but luckily nowadays it's reversible (in some cases) and to be honest I don't really think I want to be a father (not 100% sure because life can change.. but almost sure).

I know it's a subjective question but, is this something you would advise? I don't really talk about this with anyone, so I'm not sure if this is a common concern with men, or they don't really think much about the unlikely happening...

PS: I'm writing from Europe where luckily abortion rights are not under political threat. I'm sad to read that this is not a right for many women in some countries, or it's possible to be removed in others.

Hi Gio,

I think it's great that you're proactively thinking about ways that you can manage not only the risks, but your own anxieties when it comes to pregnancy and sex! If someone doesn't want children, then a vasectomy is certainly a possible solution, and one you could look into. The tricky thing may be whether healthcare providers are willing to do it; they're sometimes reluctant to perform them on younger patients. But, you could certainly ask a healthcare provider about it as an option, and ask them questions you have about it. After all, asking questions isn't the same as agreeing to the procedure, and it might help you work out what you want to do.

In the interim, it could also help to think about what boundaries around safety and contraception you need to set for yourself around sex. For instance, talking with a partner about using the buddy system when it comes to contraception: The Buddy System: Effectiveness Rates for Backing Up Your Birth Control With a Second Method. You can also decide to limit your sexual activities to ones that don't have a risk of pregnancy, and that might make sex a lot more enjoyable for you by removing that anxiety.