Never orgasmed

[amberrobert]

I’ve never orgasmed when I masturbate. I’m starting to think I’m doing something wrong or something is wrong with me. My friends say it’s quiet easy for them, that they orgasm every time they masturbate. I get aroused and it starts to feel good then suddenly it just disappears and I can’t get aroused again.

[Sam W]

Hi amberrobert,

That sounds frustrating! I will say that you're far from the first person to deal with something like, as it's a common topic here on the boards. When you're masturbating, how engaged is your brain in what's going on? Are you really into a fantasy or piece of media? Or do you tend to get bored or notice your mind wandering off to think about other things?

[amberrobert]

Hi!

It is quite frustrating, I feel like I’m missing out on something :/
I generally am more into a piece of media because a fantasy isn’t enough. I’d say my brain is like 90% engaged but as a general rule my brain is never 100% focused on anything. I wouldn’t say I get bored though, or at least not consciously.

[Sam W]

Got it, that's helpful to know!

When you notice your arousal stop, does it seem to happen really suddenly? Or is it almost like you're feeling the same level of arousal for so long that it sort of gets boring and disappears?

[amberrobert]

It does feel like I’m feeling the same arousal for a moment then it stops. It feels like I hit a certain level and for some reason I never get over it if that makes sense. Though some times my clitoris gets oversensitive and it’s painful and then the arousal disappears quickly.

[Carly]

Hey amberrobert -- I'm curious, when you're masturbating do you ever think about the fact that it's harder for you to orgasm? Do you feel frustrated?

[amberrobert]

Hi!
I guess it depends. Masturbating isn’t something I do super regularly, so sometimes I do it, I don’t orgasm and then I’m disappointed but I kinda forget about it for a while because I don’t have that much of a sex drive. But sometimes I get periods of several days when I’m really horny and it gets frustrating, so I do start to think about the fact I can’t orgasm.

[Carly]

Gotcha! I ask because I'm wondering if this difficulty is mentally contributing to continued difficulty - sometimes this happens to folks. When you masturbate, what kind of environment are you in? Do you have enough privacy, or is it something you worry about?

[amberrobert]

I don’t do it if I know that somebody could interrupt. I have quiet a lot of privacy, sometimes I just need to be a bit discreet because my sister’s room is next to mine but that’s about it.

[Mo]

I'm glad privacy doesn't seem to be an issue, I'm sure that's helpful. It sounds like you may just need some more time to experiment and find some combination of fantasy, media, and touch that works for you. If you find yourself losing arousal, or feeling frustrated, it may be better to just hit pause on masturbation for the moment instead of trying to push through it; sometimes that can just make the situation a lot more frustrating!

[amberrobert]

But is it normal ? Because it is something that comes relatively easy for my friends from what I’ve heard from them. Is there I possibility I just can’t orgasm ? It isn’t something I do super regularly but the first time I tried must of been a bit over a year ago and I’m starting to worry a bit.

[Sam W]

Masturbation struggles really are common (honestly I'd say they're one of the most frequent questions we see here), so I agree with Mo that this is likely a matter of still learning what you like and what works for your brain and body than you not being able to orgasm at all, especially if you don't do it often.