Sapphic but have sexual fantasies with men?

[LiquidYarn]

Hello I'm new here! Glad I came across a forum like this.
I've seen some other post about this but none of them fully aligned with my question which is to be expected. My problem is though I'm questioning my attraction to women and enbies (as an afab non-binary), I find that within the realm of fantasy I only think about sex with men? Usually multiple too and with an amab body. I know that the latter might be a product of being polyamorous and genderfluid (maybe) but it does concern me that I can only fantasize about men. I can't imagine myself being with a man IRL though. I only see women partners though I can't imagine what sex between AfAB would look like. I already doubt myself for never having crushed on a girl but still having sexual attractions to them. This whole scenario puts the icing on the questioning cake for me. Does this mean I can't be sapphic? Why can't I imagine women sexually despite being sexually attracted to them? I feel quite guilty for it, like I'm forcing an attraction to women.
TL;DR, is it possible to be sapphic when you seemingly only experience sexual attraction to women and only fantasize about sex with men?

[Heather]

Welcome to the boards, LiquidYarn. We're glad you found us, too!

The biggest sentence in this that stood out to me was this one:

I only see women partners though I can't imagine what sex between AfAB would look like.

It's really hard to fantasize about what we can't actually imagine, and given the heterocentricity of our culture, including our media, it's really common for people to be able to visualize what straight sex looks like, and not so much queer sex, especially sex that doesn't involve a penis.

Too, so often, our fantasies are not representative of our realties or what we want in reality. They can be totally different, or only partially or occasionally representative, but they often have a lot more to do with what we have seen or learned about sex in our lives than what we want, especially if and when we haven't seen much, a lot or maybe even any of what we want.

All that said, even if it turns out that in reality at any point you *do* find that you are into AMAB folks or men of any sort, it might help to remember that bodies aren't what make gender, and also that being attracted to one kind of person doesn't mean we can't also be attracted to someone radically different. So, no, no matter what the deal is with these fantasies, nothing you have said suggests to me that you can't be attracted to women.

How does all of that leave you feeling?

[Heather]

Welcome to the boards, LiquidYarn. We're glad you found us, too!

The biggest sentence in this that stood out to me was this one:

I only see women partners though I can't imagine what sex between AfAB would look like.

It's really hard to fantasize about what we can't actually imagine, and given the heterocentricity of our culture, including our media, it's really common for people to be able to visualize what straight sex looks like, and not so much queer sex, especially sex that doesn't involve a penis.

Too, so often, our fantasies are not representative of our realties or what we want in reality. They can be totally different, or only partially or occasionally representative, but they often have a lot more to do with what we have seen or learned about sex in our lives than what we want, especially if and when we haven't seen much, a lot or maybe even any of what we want.

All that said, even if it turns out that in reality at any point you *do* find that you are into AMAB folks or men of any sort, it might help to remember that bodies aren't what make gender, and also that being attracted to one kind of person doesn't mean we can't also be attracted to someone radically different. So, no, no matter what the deal is with these fantasies, nothing you have said suggests to me that you can't be attracted to women.

How does all of that leave you feeling?