Scarleteen

I (16 f) have never been in a relationship or had sex, but of course by this age want to have that experience.
My problem is that for a few years now (and not from a lack of effort) I have been consistently unable to orgasm from masturbation. Not only this, but every time I try, the pleasure or even good sensation is lost on me. It's as if my clitoris and genitalia are broken or inexplicably unresponsive in some way - as I've said I've tried a variety of different ways and nothing really comes close to actually pleasurable. At times there are flashes, very brief, maybe a second or two, but even then it only feels a little nice and in no way a release of any sorts.

This has caused me undue distress in recent times and for the past week especially its reared its ugly ass head and been turned over and over in my mind as I overthink everything - is it perhaps that my body and vagina are inexplicably and irreversibly unable to respond to arousal and orgasm? I've read about all sorts of articles on primary anorgasmia and sexual dysfunction - all point to obvious catalysts of disease, medications, or past sexual traumas and abuse - of which none could ever apply to me; I've had an incredibly normal childhood up to now and it's a mystery why this seeming dysfunction of mine is occurring. Any assurances and help or advice on this would be much appreciated.

In addition to this, I also seem to have a problem with my vaginal opening itself. I can only fit one finger or the tips of two inside, and it feels like a tight small circular film of flesh [which maybe for other girls would be good because some people seem to be obsessed with vaginal tightness to the point of pain?] - but it is clearly too small to be my entire vaginal opening. Is it that its part of the hymen? It hurts and is difficult to push outward against, so I'd hope I don't need to get broken in like a caprisun by some d1ck Moreover the insides feel wrong and distinctly not canal-like in construction - if anything, it feels like a fleshy maze with more than one small path leading inwards..
I guess some solace came from news of my friend (f) recently had a small operation done to remove her hymen, which had grown in a way that was very thick/overgrown, and I thought perhaps I may have the same issue, and there is resolution beyond breaking in via penetrative intercourse.

I suppose both these problems may be solved by visiting the gynecologist, but at the moment my mother is back in China after a family emergency and so she has been unable to come back for ages and won't return until late this year. This is something I've brought up once briefly and my mother is who I'm closest to, but these arent things I can discuss well with even her, not to mention the other problem. I've never been a particularly anxious person growing up or ever, but now I can't help but overthink these few issues I'm having: a problematic virginia hole and especially this anorgasmia problem. I want nothing more than to be horny and rabidly carnal like everybody else my age, so please and thanks for any help and guidance

Hi there, Chosolefteyebag. Let's see if I can't get us started in a direction that I hope will lead to some resolution around this for you.

I want to start by saying that I personally hate the term "sexual dysfunction" and get into many arguments about other sexuality professionals about it. The thing is, there really is not "right" way for bodies to work sexually, because both bodies and sexuality are so incredibly individual and diverse. Too, most of the time the definition of what "dysfunction" in this regard is, is about people and their bodies wanting and being able to be sexual in ways that a given culture either demands of sex, or has normalized based on very limited or even wrong criteria. I don't say this to criticize your use of the term, but to suggest that it really isn't very helpful, especially when we're worried like you are, so you might want to try and wash your brain of it, you know?

To get started, you gave a lot of information here with a lot of detail, and I appreciate that. I hear you saying a lot about your physical body, but what I haven't seen you mention at all yet was what's been going on in your brain -- the organ that really is the biggest player in all things sexual -- with any of this, separate from feeling anxious and worried.

What our bodies, when they are, are sexually responsive to, and how they are, isn't just about physical touch. It has just as much to do with, sometimes even more to do with, how we're feeling and what we're thinking.

When you go to masturbate with your genitals, is it when you are already feeling pretty turned on? If not, are you starting very slow and adding something to get turned on -- in your mind -- when you try? That can be fantasies in your head, for instance, or some kind of media that you find sexy, or at least something that helps you get really relaxed instead of anxious, worried or analytical? Can you tell me some about this arena of things for you?

(For the record, the way you are describing your vagina sounds like a vagina. It's only called a "canal" because it's a tube that is surrounded by other parts. Hymens also do not have to be and often can't be "broken," so you can put that worry to bed. Same goes for the notion that anyone needs a penis in a vagina for it to be sexually responsive.)