Scarleteen

I’m 21 and I have never really felt much sexual pleasure in my vagina. I would say none at all because it is almost that. I haven’t felt anything internal at all. I do feel sexual desire and have been “masturbating” since I was about 13 but it hardly qualifies as that. I don’t felt any pleasure from directly touching my clit but I do extremely mildly when I do indirectly but only if I am imagining something in my mind- the feeling in its own does nothing. It builds a bit but not to any where near an orgasm, I have never felt any sensation on internallly.

I desire sex & enjoy it because of the intimacy & how (mentally) arousing the act is but I don’t really get pleasure from it. It has caused problems with relationships before as it can upset my partner that I’m not getting much from it, even oral sex doesn’t feel like anything. I am also finding it harder to get aroused as I get older because my brain is accepting the fact that it will never actually feel good so it doesn’t even have much to get excited for.

I can’t find anything online about anyone with the same issue and I really have no idea what to do it causes a lot of distress in my life. I wouldn’t want a relationship without sex and it is very frustrating, I genuinely thing there must be something wrong with me that has completely disconnected my vagina and clitoris from functioning.

Hi Jessiepinkman, welcome to the boards!
I'm so sorry this has been really stressful and frustrating for you. What I'm about to say may or may not be helpful, but it's the truth you should know: this is actually not rare...at all! We get a lot of people with very similar questions on here - as a matter of fact, if you go to the message boards you can try to look up "no arousal" or "no pleasure" and there are tons of similar posts you could read through if you think it would help to know you're not alone and it isn't hopeless.

That all said, everyone is different and our bodies have unique responses to stimuli, evolve and change at different rates, and so on. There isn't a one-size-fits-all answer to this, unfortunately. Many people find that they will actually start experiencing more and more pleasure later in life, whether that's in their 20s or later. Sometimes a different partner can bring out a different physical response for you, especially for people who do experience some arousal from mental stimulation. The brain is our largest sex organ, so it's super important to keep that in mind when thinking of arousal and pleasure. Being "in your head" and thinking it isn't going to happen (orgasm, pleasure, etc) will make it way harder to achieve that. So try taking some pressure off and seeing it as something you still have plenty of time to reach, but most importantly, as long as you're enjoying yourself then try to focus on that and in the moment.

Too, you can keep trying different things, perhaps there are things that will bring you pleasure that you haven't experimented yet. Everyone masturbates a bit differently, same with parnered sex. You absolutely don't have to have a relationship without sex if that's not what you want. A lot of people also mostly enjoy sex for the mental part of it - how fun it is, and how it's an intimate experience with our partner. Sex looks very different for everyone, and that's okay.

I'm going to give you a link to an article on our site, let me know if you have any questions or if anything in it resonated with you: Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide