coming out struggles

[Oynx]

Hi, I understand that for my parents just found out that I was trans-gender and bisexual but when they said it I felt so uncomfortable that I said "I was just searching and trying to find out whom I am and I am pretty sure I am not that". I actually am and am trying to find out how to tell them but don't know how. They seemed pretty chill about it but I am still worried and scared to actually tell them. Especially when they told me "It might be an old fashioned religions idea but applies here. God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve or Eve and Sarah. It is because girls and boys are meant to be together not guys and guys."
A phew times I have almost even killed my self and I could really use some advice and help.
Please help me
I also have DID and can't tell them that either.
Funny story the way they found out about all this was they found a letter I wrote for them when I felt real low and almost killed myself like last week they found this "Suicide letter" where I explained all this kind of but when they approached me about this I denied it because it was so uncomfortable. I just don't know what to do.

[Sam W]

Hi harry-p59,

I split your post off into it's own topic because I want to be able to address it in depth. Before we cover anything else, if you're feeling actively suicidal, your next step needs to be contacting https://www.crisisservicescanada.ca/en/ and talking with someone there. I say that not to dismiss the other things you want to address, but because providing that kind of support is outside of our scope, and I want you to both be safe and to be able to access the care you need. Once I know you're safe, then we can tackle the other stuff, okay?

[Oynx]

Hi Sam W.
Thank you so much.
Those feelings of suicide have died down a little.
Everything became so much for me I was failing a course in school and then I came out to my parents and it was not the way I wanted my parents were mad at me for failing and they were ignoring me and it all became so much. I just thought the world would be better off without me. I am talking to counselors about that now and I just need help. I am adopted and I felt my parents hated me. One time they told me that they only got me to get my brother because we were a package deal and then my dad told me "I wish I never adopted you". It just became so much that I thought that everyone would be better off without me and that I was a waste of space and that I was a waste of a life.
Thank you for taking time to help me

[Sam W]

I'm glad to hear you're feeling in a safer mental space now, and that you're seeing a counselor. You deserve all the support you can get. If you haven't already, I would talk with them about making a safety plan in case those thoughts of hurting yourself come up again; that way you'll have what you need to take care of yourself.

I'm so sorry your parents are reacting to you this way and are, among other things, using THEIR CHOICE to adopt you as something to insult you with. That's absolutely not okay behavior on their part. I think one use of our conversation here could be to help you find community and supports outside of your parents, as right now they've shown themselves to not be safe people for you to ask for those things.

Do you have any access or connection to the queer community where you live? And are there adults in your life, like extended family, teachers, even a friends parents, who you do think would accept and support you if you came out to them?

[Oynx]

At my high school, I am friends with a whole bunch of LGBTQ people and they are all very supportive along with one of my best friends who are always trying to make sure I am safe though they are not LGBTQ. When I first told my parents about my sexuality and how all the things those kids said about what they went through fit in with me then they said I am making their fucked up reality my own. I only feel comfortable with a few teachers and my older cousin who is always trying to help me. I think she would help me go through this. I am just so uncofterable talking to them about this. My dad also used to call LGBTQ people cousins it's. My other cousin won't go anywhere near a pride flag and I am starting to get worried now that summer is coming and I have no way to get out of the house or even talk on this site. For I do not want my parents knowing that I am getting help on here or telling others what is happening at home for I don't know how they will react.
Not to mention the fact that their are a lot of homophobic kids in my school.

[Oynx]

Ok, I have to go in a few minutes so I wont see any new messages until tomorrow so if I don't respond it is not you it is just I have to go and can't get back on

[Sam W]

That's okay! You get to engage here on the schedule that works for you.

It sounds like your parents are not only hostile to your identity, but pretty controlling to. Do they actively prevent you from going out and doing things other than school? Do they also try to monitor your electronics, like your phone? And what do bad reactions from them generally involve?

I'm so glad your friends and your one cousin are supportive so you're not solely surrounded by your parent's bigotry. Is the supportive cousin someone who lives nearby, and thus someone you could spend time with?

[Oynx]

yes.
My parrents are verry controling aswell they moniter my phone and now took it away. They get mad at the slightest thing but for my brother they don't get mad. It is all black or white. Good or bad.
I am just glad I have a safe space and people who support me
Thank you
bye
talk tommorow

[Oynx]

Hi
I am writing this at night but I really need help
I need to talk
I am stabbing my arm on purpose and it is not a good experience...
Please help me.
I want to hurt myself
I almost killed myself again and I wasn't in trouble. I just once again felt the world would be better with out me...
-harry-p59

[Sam W]

Since you're in a space where you're actively hurting yourself again, what we need to do is get you somewhere you can get the right kind of help for that, including potentially checking yourself into the hospital, okay? Can you get a hold of your counselor or that crisis number this morning and tell them what's going on and ask for help? And is there any chance at all that if you tell your parents you need to go to the hospital, they'll take you?

[Oynx]

I think yes they might but I am scared.
I am in school right now....
I could go talk to my school counsellor
I was planing on calling suicide Canada or kids help phone at lunch with my friends phone.
I have no assess to a phone to call for my parents took it away.
I had tried helping a friend by getting them out of the house by getting them to lie because it is not a good environment for them and I got in trouble for getting another child to lie. That was when my phone was taken away.

[Sam W]

I would absolutely talk to the counselor and tell them what's happening, okay? Can you ask to go now? When you talk with them, I would also tell them what you've told me about how you're afraid to ask your parents for help. And I think calling those hotlines is a good plan, especially if you can't see the counselor until later in the day.

[Oynx]

ok, yes. I talk to a social worker at the school every Wednesday but she is not here today. I just don't really want to worry my parents. It dosn't even happen that offten do you really think it is serios enough to waste a hospital's time? On well, me? Something else that happens is I hate eating it is a chalenge to be hounest. Most of the days I only eat one meal a day even though my parents think I eat all 3. I usually might have something small in the middle of the day a choclate milk in the mourning and then a small dinner. I usually throw out my lunch and say I ate it.
I guess I am just afraid to worry anyone and I really don't want to. I don't think I am really worth that help.....

[Sam W]

You are absolutely worth the help, okay? Self-harm and suicidal thoughts are serious stuff, which is why I'm focusing on getting you to someone who can help you with them. You deserve to be in a safe space, including when it comes to your own head, and it may be right now that going to a hospital is the way to do that. Is the social worker the same as the counselor? Or are they two separate people?

[Oynx]

two separate people....
The social worker I talk to about anything on my mind.
Then I talk with a school counselor....
My old therapist named Paul. But I no longer talk to him....
But to be hounest alot of the time I don't feel like I am worth helping.
But I don't feel like it is that serios and that the hospital could be helping people who need help more than I do...
Also what do you mean hospital?
Like a mental hospital or like sick kids? Or like something...

[Sam W]

So, when I mean hospital I mean something like an emergency room, since that's where someone might go to say they're suicidal and need help here in the U.S. But either the hotlines or your counselor will better be able to walk you through the steps of that for your area. The reason I'm recommending it is that, one, we're not equipped to care for someone who's at that point in a mental health crisis, and I want to make sure that as we're talking here I'm guiding you towards the people who can help you. But more than that, you do deserve help; and denying yourself that won't guarantee other people get help in your place, it'll just guarantee you continue hurting.

Can you ask to go see the counselor now? Or go as soon as class gets out (I'm assuming you're on a school computer)?

[Oynx]

Um....
Yes I am on a school Chromebook.
Yes, I could ask to go see a counseler
It is just still uncofterable to talk about with someone...
What do I say???
"I am having suicidal thoughts and I am stabbing myself. I need to go to a hospital now, ASAP!"

[Sam W]

Okay, let's get you to the counselor ASAP, then. I totally get that it's uncomfortable to talk about, and the fact that you even opened up and asked for help here is a huge, huge step in taking care of yourself, one that I'm really proud of you for.

How about saying something like this to them, "I need help because I'm actively self-harming, as recently as last night, and I'm having thoughts of ending my life or that the world would be better off without me. I need crisis care. Can you help me get that?"

[Oynx]

I guess I can give it a shot...
I still feel like it isn't serios. Like all the marks were gone by the mourning... I don't even feel like ending my life ofter, maybe once ever month and a half and then I write my feeling down and get comfort from my friends and I feel better. The self harm doesn't even happen that often either, maybe it isn't serios.
I get you want to help me but at the same time I am still reluctant and not sure I am ready to ask for more help.
I don't know what to do...
What do you think because I trust you.
I am also going to attach a few journal entry's I wrote and the letter my parrents found

[Sam W]

I'd actually show those notes to the counselor to give her context, I think that will be more helpful and give some needed context.

Even if the self harm and suicidal thoughts feel infrequent, the fact is you're still in a crisis right now and we need to treat that as such. Too, since we're coming up on the end of the school year, I'm very doubtful that your parents will treat your mental health needs with the seriousness they deserve, so getting you to the counselor and getting you help now, help that might carry into the summer, is a big priority. Can you go to the counselor right now?

[Oynx]

I can go in like 10 mins or so....
To be honest I am just afraid...

[Sam W]

Then let's plan on you going then, okay? And it's okay if you're afraid; this is scary, intense stuff to be dealing with, and honestly fear is a completely reasonable reaction. But sometimes taking care of ourselves means doing stuff that scares us, because that's the step that's going to make life less scary and awful in the long run. I believe you can do it. You got this.

[Oynx]

Thank you so much!!
I just talked to a professional on kids help line and was able to make it work! You helped with that so much...
But I still need help with the other stuff

[Sam W]

I'm glad they were able to help! And now that you know you can ask for help around this, hopefully it will get a little easier each time. I would still check-in with your counselor, since they've been working with you and this is the kind of situation they need to know about in order to offer proper care.

So, with your parents and the situation at home, do you have access to a laptop? And since they've taken your phone, do you want to talk about either getting it back or getting a "burner" phone so you have that lifeline if you need it? Too, since we're heading into summer, how much ability do you have to get out of the house either on your own or with someone else?

[Oynx]

Quite a bit especially since I have summer school also what is a burner?