Despising the feeling of masturbation; is this normal?

[Nonnie]

Hello everyone! I'm an 18 year old girl. I've explored my body since puberty and found what feels good and what doesn't. But, NOTHING feels good. I get turned on, touch myself, but I despise the feeling. I do this multiple times a day.. I definitely feel the sensitivity and I've experimented with different techniques but I really, really hate the sensation I get from all of them. Nothing feels good at all and I don't get any pleasure from actually touching myself, but I do when I get horny. To elaborate, I get pleasure from the FEELING of being turned on, but when I masturbate I get displeasure.

I'm not ashamed of pleasuring myself and I know the big O isn't the goal, and I WANT to feel good, so I don't think it's my mindset. However, I have been majorly depressed for years, and I wonder how much of an impact that has. I at least thought that it just wouldn't feel GOOD, plus I thought depressed people masturbate a lot because that's one source of dopamine, but I straight up just hate masturbating. How can I go about masturbating in the future when I want to, but I don't like it?

[Heather]

Hi there, Nonnie, and welcome to the boards.

I wonder if you won't mind being a little more specific, so I can be sure I understand the situation here.

Masturbation is ultimately just any way of touching our bodies -- any parts of them, not just our genitals, or specific parts of our genitals -- in order to explore or express sexual, sensual or erotic feelings of some kind.

Are you saying that no matter how you touch any part of your body, including when you already feel turned on, absolutely nothing feels good, no matter the body part or kind of touch?

And when you say things don't feel good, can you say a little more? Do they not feel good physically AND emotionally, or just one of those? Do they feel *bad* or do they just not feel like what you expect things to feel like, like, is that tough just unsatisfying? When you say you hate the sensation of your own touch: is this also true non-sexually? Is this true with other people, sexually or non-sexually?

[Nonnie]

Hi Heather! Sorry about not being more specific. To answer your questions, yes, touching myself around my vulva and clitoris doesn't feel good, and everywhere else is just.. 'eh'.

Physically, it feels bad, like, I'm not sure how to explain it but I'll do my best; I can feel the nerves firing off and the sensitivity down there, but instead of pleasure, it's just like, displeasure? It doesn't HURT, I just strongly dislike the feeling. It makes me grimace, no matter how I do it. And I've been experimenting with it for a while like I said, since I began puberty. Emotionally, I don't think much, I try to be patient with it but I end up getting frustrated after a while since masturbation is something I WANT to like instead of hate, but I try not to.

Non-sexually, I don't mind touching myself really, I get hesitant when others try to but I think that's normal. Sexually, I'd say it's even worse when someone else tries to touch me because I'm already very picky with how I touch myself so I end up getting overstimulated really easy and have unfortunately had my reflexes kick in and have accidentally kneed my partner But I should say that normally it's not a problem with stimulation, whether that be overstimulation or understimulation.

Hope that answers some of your questions :')

[Sam W]

Hi Nonnie,

Thank you for those details, they're really helpful!

It sounds like overstimulation may be playing a role here, which makes sense given how you're describing your experiences with touch overall. When you think about non-sexual touches or physical sensations (like taking a bath, brushing your hair, things like that), are there any that find you really enjoy?

Too, from your initial post it sounds like you really enjoy the mental parts of being turned on or engaging in fantasy. What if, for the time being, you took away the physical component of masturbation and just focused on enjoying those mental parts?

[Nonnie]

Hey Sam! I guess I got the wrong idea about overstimulation and stuff, I didn't and still don't know the difference between having sensory issues and being uncomfortable by something so it's hard to tell haha.

Non-sexual touches like taking a bath and brushing my hair is completely fine, I really enjoy having my hair brushed and taking hot baths. If I'm around people I'm close with I don't mind being touched most of the time.

And I really enjoy the mental aspects of being turned on so that's what I focus on enjoying the most I just wish I could like the physical component too.

[Sam W]

You know, I wonder if introducing nonsexual touch that you enjoy into the times when you're fantasizing might be a way to bring a physical component into the mix that actually feels nice. Does that seem like something you could experiment with?