Scarleteen

Have you ever had an experience of watching/reading something and come across a scene, character interaction, general vibe, or something else that helped part of your identity click into place?

I believe I've shared this on here before, several years ago, but as goofy as it is, the movie But I'm a Cheerleader is what made me finally realize I wasn't straight! There's a very soft and dreamy makeout scene late in the film that gave me such a sense of longing when I watched it that I was able to piece together some of the feelings I'd been having about women in general and one friend in particular. It's a silly movie overall, but that one very sincere scene hit me so hard I had to stay up late processing it with a friend.

I didn't come across anything that worked quite the same way in terms of my gender identity, although I think a lot of that is due to the lack of content twenty years ago. Kate Bornstein's Gender Outlaw was definitely a formative gender text for me, but my reaction to it was "okay, more things are possible than I realized" than "aha! I have an answer now!" It was a door opening, not a lightbulb turning on.

I'd love to hear what caused this sort of reaction for other people, whether it's as silly as my example or not!

This is SUCH a silly answer, but when Britney Spears and Madonna kissed at the 2003 VMAs...it was like "oh. THAT'S what I want to do. interesting", so yes, two straight women helped me realize I wasn't straight. The irony!

I was just thinking about this today, actually. I based my middle school fashion sense on Avril Lavigne wearing a tie. The "Part of Me" music video where Katy Perry cuts off her hair and pretends to be a man to join the military gave me feelings. It was nothing specific, more just like "Huh. That's an option I guess." This was later confirmed when a buzzfeed video about genderdiverse people came across my scrolling and I thought "Wow! Wish I could be like that." Looking back, it's pretty funny that I didn't realize who I am earlier.

There is something funny about looking back and seeing what seem to be HUGE obvious signs in retrospect that weren't obvious at all at the time.

when watching movies and shows as a kid, during kissing scenes i always looked at the girls. vanessa hudgens in high school musical really did it for me… hehe.