Scarleteen

The virginity one.
Before I continue I want to state that I want this topic to be a safe space of any persons view. My question is, pretty much, do you personally think that the "importance" and pressure put on the concept of virginity in this day and age is valid? Do you agree? If so, why? If you do not agree tha virginity is hugely important and special, why not? I personally have a very definite opinion on this, but would love to see what others have to say.

Original post by bigbywolf at the old boards here: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimat ... 01590.html

Personally, I think the importance society places on virginity (especially for women) is pretty stupid. First of all, it's a double standard. When guys are virgins, they are losers. When women are virgins, they are prudes. When guys aren't virgins, they're studs. When women aren't virgins, they're sluts. Also, virginity basically means being pure, and it's wrong to think that you aren't pure if you've had sex. Also, losing your virginity makes it sound like you've lost a part of you. I heard something about virginity, and I can't remember who said it, but the person was saying they called having sex for the first time your sexual debut, so it didn't sound like you were losing something. Anyways, I think you should be allowed to think having sex is not a super big deal, or that having sex is a super big deal.

What concerns me most with the concept of virginity is the importance that's placed on it, as opposed to who you are as a person. When I was younger, I was surrounded by Christian values and I went to church and etc (which, at the time, I needed emotionally). I was often told that you needed to be "pure" and "save yourself for marriage." I can respect this as a value for Christians. What bothers me is that virginity is often tied to a person's moral character. To me, that's not fair. You can be a loving, giving person who is thoughtful and gracious and still enjoy sex. Being a good person and enjoying sex are not mutually exclusive.

To answer your question for bluntly, I do not think it is healthy to place heavy importance upon the concept of "virginity". I would recommend reading The Purity Myth by Jessica Valenti. She offers some compelling arguments against society being so obsessed with sex.

The Purity Myth is a good one, BookBelle! If you haven't read it, Hanne Blank's Virgin: The Untouched History is a great book that looks at virginity from a historical & cultural perspective. We have an interview with her on our site from when the book came out that's worth a read: 20 Questions About Virginity: Scarleteen Interviews Hanne Blank
One thing I find frustrating about the idea of virginity is that because it's a cultural concept more than a medical one, there's no one definition that everyone agrees on! Often when folks tell us they're virgins, we have to ask for clarification to make sure we're operating from the same assumptions in the conversation. I understand that it's a concept some people find very important, but I wish it wasn't used as a weapon so often.