Scarleteen

So I have to explain what happened to me, because I actually have a few questions. I came here because my parents are very conservative (especially my father) and I can’t talk to them about it. A few weeks ago, I got an after school job at a trucking company. My boss kept giving me complements and asking me out. I told him no several times. I’m tall for my age and I like wearing tight sexy dresses. Sometimes I don’t wear panties because they show through. So last week, my boss told me to come to his office. He shut the door and put his arms around me from behind. I told him to let me go but he wouldn’t. He started kissing my neck and put his hand up my dress and rubbed me “down there”. I kept telling him no and stop but then he unzipped his fly and pulled out his penis and stuck it between my legs from behind. He managed to slip it in my vagina just for a second. I slapped him and got away. I ran out of there and left and went home. Never went back.

I’m not interested in telling my parents about this. I know them and for a fact they will blame me and criticize me for wearing “slutty” outfits and not wearing panties. They’ll say I brought it on myself.

I’m not interested in reporting this to the authorities. It will blow up into a huge deal and my parents will find out about it. I just want to go on with my life.

So my questions are.

1. I won't ask what are chances I get pregnant from him slipping it in just once for a second because that's against the rules.

2. How many girls go out without panties. I know some of my friends do it too. Is it really that uncommon? Am I slutty for doing it?

3. I just keep thinking If I had just worn panties that when he wouldn’t have gotten it in. Did I bring this on myself?

4. What can I do to get past this?

Hi LanaChelya,

This sounds like an incredibly stressful and alarming situation, and I'm so sorry you're dealing with it (though I'm glad to hear you've stayed away from the place since this incident; that's a great step in terms of protecting yourself). In terms of moving past this incident, can you give me a sense of what kinds of supports you have in your life, like people you trust or who will be there for you when you're stressed? Have you told anyone besides us about this? And have you been able to take care of yourself (however that looks for you) since it happened?

As for the underwear, plenty of people go without it, just like plenty of people wear it, due to things like personal preference or the clothing they're wearing. But regardless of what everyone else is doing, you not having underwear on does not mean you brought this on yourself. The responsibility for this incident is entirely on your boss; he made to the choice to assault you and nothing--including what you were (or were not) wearing--removes the fact that he made that choice.

Since it sounds like this happened a few weeks ago, you may be in the window where you could take a pregnancy test. Do you know how to get a hold of one?

Sam,
Thank you for your response! Thank you for not judging me. It's encouraging you think I didn't bring this on myself. Since then, I can't bring myself to wear anything sexy. I feel like my confidence is destroyed. I'm terrified to attract male attention. I don't have anyone I can really talk to about this. I'm afraid I'll never be the same! Everyone around me is terribly religious and conservative. I'm going to get a home pregnancy test. It will be an absolute nightmare if I'm pregnant (even more than it already is).

I'm glad my response made you feel at least a little better! Since it sounds like you don't have a ton of supports, do you want to talk about reaching out to local organizations that might offer supports for survivors? That way you'd have people in addition to us who could be there for you.

I'm sorry to hear your confidence took such a hit, though I completely understand why it happened. Right now, your brain probably associates any male attention with a giant red sign reading "DANGER." Do you want to talk about ways to address that loss of confidence, or ways you could feel a little more like yourself or in control as you process what happened?

So you know, we're here to help you out regardless of how the pregnancy test turns out, and if you need advice or information on how to take it, this article can be a big help: Peeing on a Stick: All About Pregnancy Tests

Yes I'd love to know a place I can go locally to talk to someone privately without anyone finding out about it. My family is Russian immigrants and to them anyone who is raped deserved it somehow. They are rediculous! I bought a pregnancy test but I'm afraid to use it. Maybe I'll get the courage tonight.

Okay! I would start by checking out this list of resources for the L.A area to see which ones might be the most accessible to you or offer services that you need: https://laccw.lacounty.gov/publications ... ing-hands/.

Have you been able to take the test yet?

I took it and it's negative! Whew, I'm so relieved I can't even explain to you. I called the rape hotline and had a long conversation. They convince me to call the police and report because they will protect my privacy. I did and had a long conversation and gave a report. The investigator was so nice and understanding of my need for privacy. They are required to protect it in fact! They are going to investigate. I'm nervouse but I think it is best. I don't want him to do this to other girls! Thank you so much for pointing me in the right direction!

Hi LanaCheyla, so glad to hear you were able to take action and feel good about it. Like you said, this will hopefully help prevent him from doing this to other people. The most important thing here is that you can feel safe and that you're not alone in this.