self pleasure issues

[confused_af]

for as long as i can remember i’ve masturbated one specific way. i basically hump my hand… this is awkward. anyways i lay on my side and put my hand between my legs. i think my thumb covers up my whole clit area and then i just move my body. i’ve tried using my fingers to rub that area and it never works for me. well recently i’ve bought a vibrating toothbrush. i cannot believe i’m saying this. and i tried using it on that area. when i put it directly on my clit. (the bulb looking part) it feels good for a second and then kind of starts to hurt. well then i put it at the very top. i think it’s called the clit hood. and it felt really really good and then it stopped after about 10 seconds. it starts to feel like i’m over stimulating myself. i want to be able to pleasure myself in a different way than i always have and when i do become more sexually active i want someone else to be able to pleasure me. i feel like i’ll only ever be able to orgasm when i hump my hand.

[Sam W]

Hi confused_af,

So, you're already doing one of the main things we recommend, which is continuing to experiment with different ways of masturbating to figure out which ones feel good to your body. Since every body is different, that's really the best way to go about it. Can I ask why you want to find a different way of masturbating? Does it have to do with boredom with the way you normally do it, or something else?

Too, it may help to know that mainly orgasming this way, or finding this is the most pleasurable form of stimulation, doesn't mean partnered sex won't be pleasurable. There are lots of ways to incorporate that kind of touch into sex with another person.

[confused_af]

i just get worried that when somebody else tries to pleasure me it’s not going to feel good if they just use their fingers. so i want to figure it out for myself. all my friends say their favorite way is to just rub with their fingers. i don’t understand why it doesn’t work for me. i feel like there’s something wrong with me. idk i just don’t get why it felt really good and then stopped. and it wasn’t even directly on my clit so i’m super confused about that. thank you for responding to me!

[Sam W]

Got it. So, what feels good during masturbation is actually pretty variable, so while your friends may find doing things with their fingers feels good to them, there are plenty of people out there with experiences similar to yours. In a similar vein, how people give and receive pleasure from a partner is SUPER variable, so even if you find manual sex with a partner may not feel like much, there are tons of other things you and they could still do together that feel good.

As for why it felt good and then stopped, the clitoris is extremely sensitive. That can mean that stimulating it feels really good, but some people find that the sensitivity means that touching it for more than a few seconds is uncomfortable rather than fun.

[confused_af]

thank you so much. i’m just stressed about it because my usual way of masturbation doesn’t work as well as it used to. it takes much longer to finish and just overall doesn’t feel as good.

[Sam W]

You're welcome! If you're noticing the usual way of masturbating isn't doing as much for you, you may find so of the advice in these two pieces helpful: D.I.Y. Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition, Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation.

Too, because out brains are our biggest sexual organ, finding some new or different ways to get your mind engaged in masturbation can also help things feel more pleasurable: How to Approach Sexual Fantasy and Desire on Your Own Terms

[confused_af]

i appreciate you so much! thank you

[Sam W]

You're very welcome!