Scarleteen

Me and my boyfriend have been dating/talking for quite a while now and I find myself wanting him sexually, I often take nudes and just keep them in the my eyes only in snapchat because I don't know whether I should send them to him or not.

When I get horny I often pleasure myself to either random porn or to the thought of him, is that wrong? I feel somewhat guilty to think of him while masterbating but I'm pretty sure thinking of someone else would be worse. But it still feels wrong to think of him because I'm not sure if he'd be okay with it.

We never really had the "I want to get more intimate" talk yet because I feel like I'd be the only one and that I'm rushing things plus he's kinda religious so I'm afraid if I bring up the fact i want to become more intimate I might make him feel uncomfortable or make him disappointed in me for thinking of those things before marriage. (which marriage is veryyy far for us, we're still teens)

He doesn't really talk sexually either, he knows what things are (kinda) but doesn't really say that he's jerked to porn or he's into certain things. Which is a change of pace because the guys I've dated in the past or I'm friends with are very open about that stuff.

Plus when my boyfriend and I were in our talking stage I asked him if he watches porn or has jerked off before and he says he hasn't, I assumed back then that maybe he said that because he was timid and didn't want to straight up say it even though I encouraged him to and there was no shame in it but he still denied.

I don't really want to straight up tell him "I want to become more intimate" because as I said before we really haven't given signs for that or anything so it'd be a random thing for me to bring up, but I want to give him certain hints that I want to be sexual with him, so when we do have the conversation it makes sense to it bring up rather than just out of the blue.

The last thing I want to do is make him uncomfortable with me, even if he doesn't want to be more sexual that'd be perfectly fine but I want to have a rough knowledge of if he wants to or not so I can satisfy his desires and he can satisfy mine if we both agree to.

So what hints should I give or what should I do?

Hi Leo,

So, before I jump into your question, I want to say that the one thing you definitely don't want to do is send him nudes. You're underaged, and given how the laws are both you and he could get in pretty serious trouble if you sent him those. You may also want to seriously consider deleting them from the section of Snapchat you have them in; apps aren't always as secure as we may think, and it would suck to have someone get those images without your consent.

As for how to bring this up with him, even though it can make it a little awkward, being open and direct about what you want (and want to know) is way more likely to lead to you actually getting the information you need than hints are. Yes, that may feel like it's coming up randomly, but the truth is sometimes you just have to introduce a topic without a huge build-up. You may find this article really helpful in getting through those conversations: Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner

As an aside, there's nothing wrong with thinking about a partner when masturbating. You're not hurting them by doing so, and it makes a lot of sense that you'd want to fantasize about someone you're attracted to.