penetrative masturbation suddenly pleasurable?

[dovesandroses]

I'm a 16-year-old cis girl. I figured out masturbation when I was about 10 (a year before I got my period for the first time), and have masturbated regularly ever since. Unlike a lot of people, I've always found it pretty easy to reach orgasm, and a "session" for lack of a better word doesn't really feel finished unless I, well, finish.

Pretty early on I tried fingering and wasn't a big fan. It felt weird and uncomfortable, and I never got wet enough to make it not feel a little painful. I'm pretty sure I accidentally tore my hymen during one of those early attempts, because it hurt and there was a little blood. That really freaked me out (I have a blood phobia), and I didn't really try again for a while.

I think I started trying again probably about 2 years ago, when I was fourteen? I'd sometimes feel this urge to try and put something up there, and at that age, I started getting wet enough to actually achieve it. But it didn't really do anything for me. It didn't feel bad, but it didn't feel good either, and it hurt if I tried to put in more than one finger (causing me to spend quite a bit of time worrying about being too tight, but I put those worries aside because it wasn't like I was going to be trying penetrative sex with a partner anytime soon). Despite all that, I still kept doing it occasionally, and I'd usually reach orgasm clitorally at the same time. Potentially that created a positive association with penetration? I don't know.

It was only this year after I turned 16 that it began to feel good. I've started getting really wet from clitoral stimulation, much more than ever before, but I haven't been doing anything differently. And suddenly, when I try penetration, I can fit multiple fingers in at once, and it feels pleasurable. I've even orgasmed a few times now from what I think must be my g-spot. (Although, just for clarity's sake, it wasn't like I orgasmed just from penetration. I got myself mostly there through clitoral stimulation, and then finished myself off solely with my g-spot.) This change has relieved my previous worried about being too tight and not being able to enjoy penetrative sex with a partner in the future.

Anyway, that's probably too much information (I've always been bad at figuring out what parts of a story are actually necessary and what parts I should leave out), but I've been wondering about my experience for a while, especially since I haven't found anyone reporting similarly to me on the internet. All the websites are like, "Girls, it's okay if you don't orgasm!" but that's never been a problem for me. It reminds me of how all the puberty books my mom got me as a pre-teen were always saying, "It's okay to be flat-chested! Don't feel like you have to stuff your bra!" when I was a 7th grader who'd developed before everyone else and was stuck with 30G breasts that I couldn't find a bra for, leaving me feeling insecure about my chest, but for a completely different reason than I'd be reassured was "perfectly normal!" It's a sort of cognitive dissonance, I suppose.

And then there's also how I haven't seen anyone anywhere discuss anything similar to my experience with my vagina reacting differently despite me not changing anything about my masturbation habits, making my age the obvious independent variable.

So I'm just wondering, Can anyone else relate? I guess I just want to hear that I'm not alone. And also I'm super curious about if there's any scientific basis to a correlation between getting older and my significantly improved experience with penetration, especially since the age of 16 feels so arbitrary! I went through puberty early in middle school, and when I look back at pictures from when I was 12-13, my face looks a lot younger and more awkward looking, but my body doesn't seem to have changed much at all!

[Mo]

I think this is a great example about how broad generalizations about sex and sexuality will never apply to everyone. A lot of people with vulvas take some time to figure out what feels best during masturbation or partnered sex, but that isn't the case for everyone! And I think that when there's a dominant narrative about anything sexual, it can be harder for people to speak up about something that sets them apart, especially earlier in their sexual lives. You certainly aren't alone in your experience.

In terms of what changed that you started to enjoy insertion during masturbation, what tends to make that feel pleasurable vs. uncomfortable comes down to being relaxed, aroused, and the lubrication your own body produces (which tends to happen when you're more aroused). So it may just be that recently you've been connecting more with what's arousing you, or just that something clicked in terms of how it feels. I think that's more likely than your age in particular! It sounds like it's something that became more comfortable after a few years of experimentation, more than directly connected to your age. But this is a situation where we can't really know this for sure!