Asexual? Gay? I have no idea

[Lemonsodas]

I have a lot of questions for my sexuality,
For a really long time I thought I was a non-binary lesbian, I like relationships with women but I never had sex with anyone until recently. It was nothing special or to rave about, so I think I’m asexual.
But when I fantasize it’s different, first of all it’s exclusively about men (typically fictional) and I’m the one penetrating. Because I lean more on the masculine side of non-binary I wonder if I’m a gay man and not a non-binary lesbian like I thought?
I would try by experience, but it takes a lot of time for me to trust cis men (if at all) because of ptsd.

[Carly]

Hi Lemonsodas -- the first thing I want to say is that having a bad or unenjoyable sexual experience doesn't necessarily make you asexual by default; sexuality is fluid, so asexual and sexual are not necessarily opposites of each other. What about the experience did you not like? Do you feel like you had your needs met? This could be the first things to ask yourself as you're feeling out this part of your identity. I'm going to drop a few links that I think might be helpful:

• Just the Basics, Ace: An Asexuality Primer
• Am I asexual?
• Sexuality: WTF Is It, Anyway?

Any thoughts about those?