Don’t feel good enough to date another person, and feeling like a weirdo

[greenergrass333]

So, I [15M] have a crush on this girl in my year. She’s so nice and I really like her, I hung out with her yesterday and had an amazing time. However this morning when I woke up I felt super anxious/ stressed. I was pacing around and didn’t really stop moving at all, I also think my heart was beating faster than usual and I was thinking the whole time. I was feeling quite upset about myself, I have a diaper kink which I used to be quite upset about for a bit however got more used to it and accepted it, now I feel upset again, wishing I didn’t have this. I feel as though I’m not good enough to date this person and that I’d need to tell them this information especially if we have intercourse(I know we aren’t even dating yet), They shouldn’t waste that special moment on someone like me. I was just feeling quite anxious/stressed and depressed about this, can anyone give advice, should I talk to a parent I trust? I would like to add however I feel it’s not a huge part of my self, as in I believe I can put it away and not need it at all, however I still feel gross.

[Sam W]

Hi greenergrass333,

So, there are two intersecting issues here and I think it might help to untangle them. The first is how you're feeling about your crush, and the fact that a lot of what you're worrying about isn't really on the table yet, since you two aren't in a romantic relationship. If you took your worries about your kink out of the equation, do you feel like you want to/are ready to ask her out?

As for your kink, it can help to remember that human sexual preferences are way more varied than they get credit for, and that plenty of people are walking around with fantasies or preferences that someone else may be grossed out by. Too, there's nothing wrong with the kink you have; fantasies aren't hurting anyone, nor is doing something consensual with a partner. Does that make sense?

Too, if you two do end up getting sexual together, you don't have to share this kink with her if you're not comfortable doing so. Most people share their sexual interests with partners over time, and often they'll share more sensitive or "out there" ones once they feel really safe and comfortable in the relationship.

[greenergrass333]

Hey thanks for the response, I think yesterday I was just having a bit of a bad day too however I believe I feel ready to ask her out and ready for a romantic relationship. I know I wouldn’t bring up having an out there kink with her unless I absolutely felt it was comfortable to do so.

[Carly]

Hi greenergrass333 -- it sounds like you're moving in a good direction with this. The thing about anxiety is that it makes us spin out and think about the possibility of things happening, often several steps ahead of what is actually happening. Seeing asking someone on a date is the very first step here, and talking about your kink is several steps later. However! Sometimes having an anxiety is a secret super power, because it helps us prepare for situations we will eventually be in. Knowing that you might have to do this in the future can be a starting point for you to start thinking about ways to talk about your sexual needs and wants in this or a future relationship. We can definitely talk through that with you when it's time. For right now, it's about having the balance between staying in the present and anticipating the future.