Scarleteen

Hi! I’ve been looking at this website and the different questions and answers for a while now, and tried a lot of things but i think it’s time i posted my own thing. I’m an 18 year old cis woman in a relationship and over the years I’ve tried masturbation, but no matter what i do I don’t feel any sort of sexual feeling. Penetration wise i can only get a finger in and it’s uncomfortable, so I’ve tried to focus on the clit and other areas but nothing works. It doesn’t matter if i use my finger, a vibrator, or my partner. It’s not an uncomfortable feeling down there, its just a bit boring and feels the same as when i touch any part of my body, even touching the clit feels no different to stroking my ear. I don’t feel anything when i kiss my partner either (I definitely love them, its not that) and I don’t know whether its just something my body just didn’t develop? It’s like nothing is wired up for that purpose. I get turned on pretty easily, its just doing anything about it that is the issue.

I’ve done loads of research and tried out loads of different things, sorry if you’re unable to suggest anything, I’m just a bit upset about it lol. Is it possible to just not be able to feel anything?

Thank you for reading this!!!

Hi AngelofEden -- welcome to the boards! This is a very popular topic on our boards. I want to start by getting a little more information from you and clarify a few things you're experiencing. I noticed you said getting a finger in is uncomfortable, but then you said it's not uncomfortable just boring. Is it your finger, specifically, that feels uncomfortable inside? Does this feeling only occur during masturbation?

Also, do you ever use lube when you have sex or masturbate?

Sorry it’s only my finger inside that hurts, anywhere on the outside is boring, and it feels the same with my parter as well as during masturbation. I haven’t used lube yet, no. Thanks for your response:)

Thanks for clarifying a little for me! Like I said, what you're describing is one of the most common things users write in to us to talk about on the boards. Our bodies are all so different, so sometimes it can be hard to tell someone exactly what will help in cases like this. One trend I do notice on our boards is that it's very uncommon that there is actually something physically wrong. We do end up finding through talking with users that blockages to feeling pleasure often start with mental health difficulties like negative body image, gender dysphoria, anxiety, depression, and frustration. Our brains are our biggest sexual organ, after all. Have you ever experienced any of these? Sometimes the ongoing frustration of an issue can be the source of continued difficulties.

And, as for lube, I definitely suggest giving it a try, especially if you're feeling physically uncomfortable in any way. Sometimes the added protection from friction can make a huge difference.

I’m fairly happy with my body and gender and all that, i do have anxiety disorder so I’ve done a load of research into it all which could maybe mean i think about it in more of a clinical way perhaps? I’m usually quite relaxed when i try it, and if I’m imagining a scenario its fine until i start touching myself then my mind starts to try and focus on if anything feels different than normal- which it doesn’t :’).

Ill see if i can try the lube, thanks

Hi AngelofEden -- I wouldn't be surprised if you trying to figure out if anything feels different or more normal is something that is really feeding into the experience you're having. Also, consider that how you're masturbating might not be what works best for your body. This resource and this resource have collected some ways that people with vulvas can masturbate, maybe there's something that works better for you in here?