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Newly single parent. Left abusive relationship. Need advice

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whiteraven
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Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2022 8:36 pm
Age: 36
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Location: Tennessee

Newly single parent. Left abusive relationship. Need advice

Unread post by whiteraven »

Okay so I left my marriage of 14 years because I finally realized that I didn't deserve the pain he was putting me through. At one point or another all forms of abuse happened I'm not comfortable going into detail I'm sorry. Let's just say he was a textbook narcissist. The problem I'm having now is my entire life I've always been told what to do. Now that I'm on my own with my daughter I'm supposed to be the one that knows what to do and I don't feel like I do. We are all but homeless and I'm trying so hard to find something for us. I have a job lined up and I have income due to doordash thank God. I'm just stuck between a rock and a hard place and now I'm realizing that I have no idea what I'm doing. In any sense at all. I get you have to pay bills and stuff like that it's just it feels so odd to not only sleep alone but I have to make these decisions by myself. I don't know if any of y'all have ever been through any of this I just I need some help I don't know what to do.
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Carly
scarleteen staff/volunteer
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Age: 32
Primary language: English
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Location: American Midwest

Re: Newly single parent. Left abusive relationship. Need advice

Unread post by Carly »

Hey whiteraven -- I have experience with narcissistic abuse myself and I'm so sorry to hear that you've had to endure it for so long. I'm glad you've made steps to get out of that situation, and I hope you and your daughter can stay safe. Getting used to things on your own is always tricky, but I know it can be especially hard for someone who has experienced abuse for an extended period of time. 14 years is also a long time to share decisions with anyone in any kind of situation, especially if you've been raising a child together. Do you have any other safe people in your life that you trust? Do you ever talk to them about the kinds of things you have to decide? Tell us a little bit about the support you have around you.

Also, I struggle a lot with trusting that I know how to take care of myself or make decisions about my life. Like, a lot. Something that's helped me is not asking myself what to do, but asking myself what I know I should not do. I've been able to prove to myself that a lot of the ineptness I've felt is the product of others treating me in ways that made me question my perspective and lose sight of myself in these situations. Maybe this little flip can work for you too?
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