Regret after past sexual acts

[greenergrass333]

Hey, I am 15 and male at birth and recently I’ve been feeling bad about some sexual stuff I’ve explored in the past specifically a relatively gross kink I have, involving diapers. Let your imagination run wild because I’ve probably done everything your thinking of. I started actually exploring it physically around the age of 12 and had been going on and off for almost the next three years, been stopped for a while now since before march or so and I just feel regret at these actions in the past, I feel like it ruined my childhood in a way even tho I know it didn’t really affect me at the time. I also understand I can’t do anything about it because this stuff just is the way it is, and I know it wasn’t my whole life but it kinda feels when I look back it’s a fair majority of what I remember from being younger but just to say ,I don’t have many other memorable events and also my memory isn’t great so maybe I’m just remembering lots of the bad bits cos they stuck with you, obviously I get it’s stupid to regret this cos I can’t do anything about it but does anyone have any advice? It’s not a big deal right now but at times I’ll be quite stressed about it

[Valerie J]

Hi greenergrass333,

I read this post and one of your other more recent posts so I may be reiterating what others folks have already said. I have a couple questions. When you say you "feel regret at these actions in the past" what specific regret is coming to mind? Regrets of doing the actions? Or regret of being so focused on them for many years?

I don't think what you are feeling is "stupid" and I can understand why it might feel upsetting. The reality of the matter is, something you will learn to be true even more as you get older, so many people explore their sexualities intensely during those periods of your life. We are all awkwardly (or not) trying to find out what we like and how to get access to it. It may seem all consuming of that time but I want to preface it by saying you are not alone in this at all. Objectively the years of 12 to 14 can be a rocky road of self-exploration. But as you grow, I suspect you will realize that these experiences are just a fraction of who you are and what your childhood looked like. But it is harder to focus on that when you are really focused on this regret.

I am wondering if this feeling of regret feels intensified due to the nature of your sexual exploration? Meaning it being a kink you explored? What kind of memories do you feel you've missed? Like if you could do it all again what would it look like?

One of the main piece of advice I will give, which objectively is a boring solution, is time. As time prgoresses and you grow in life this feeling will definetely diminish. Those years can feel really really important at the time but in the grand scheme of life they are a tiny fraction. I think something that may be helpful (and tell me if it doesn't seem so!) would be planning going forward how to balance your sexual desires with other thingis that make you happy in life. Because you can have both. And at some point those sexual desires and acting on them could also become happy memories for you too.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Best,
Val