First time fears

[Lovelly_Kayyy]

Hello! This one may be a little bit long but I want an honest opinion. At the time I’m writing this, I have been in a year and three month long relationship with my boyfriend. Him and I have only ever done oral sex because I haven’t been ready to do anything else, even when we got full privacy.Part of this is due to my anxiety around getting pregnant, and less about not trusting him/being ready.

Coming up very soon I’ll be spending the night with him at his house. After A LOT of contemplation and discussion, I’ve decided that I’m ready to lose my virginity. My biggest concern is accidental pregnancy. I’ve gone over sexual safety a billion times but nothing will satisfy that itch.

I know that using a condom is a safe option for birth control, but they aren’t perfect, no birth control is. My boyfriend has assured me that he has never had a pregnancy scare before, or had a condom malfunction/rip, and he’s had 7 partners prior to me. He also has the goal of making me as comfortable as possible.

All of this is a long way of saying I basically still have the first time gitters. I still want him to pull out even with the condom and the fact that nothing has ever gone wrong for him using his preferred brand, is that too much? Is it possible to over lubricate a condom and it could slip off? Could I still be really in my head about this?

Note: I am 20 years old and in college, and he is my first boyfriend, so this is all new and overwhelming. Sorry it’s so long.

[Nicole]

Hi Lovelly_Kayyy, thank you for reaching out! We are the same age, so I am happy to help you out here. I think that you and your boyfriend are taking all of the right steps to make your first time super safe, comfortable, and pleasurable. I'm glad that you both are being proactive!

Honestly, when I first started having sex, I often asked my partners to pull out even when they wore a condom. If that makes you feel more comfortable, then I'm sure that your boyfriend will understand. Also, most likely a condom will not slip off due to too much lubrication but it is not 100% avoidable, just as most things with sex. If the condom does slip off, I am sure that you or your boyfriend will notice. Now, if anything were to go wrong, emergency contraceptives like Plan B are always an option. It is time sensitive though, so please be aware of that!

Nevertheless, your concerns are valid and you are definitely not alone with these thoughts. I just want to assure you that you are doing everything right here. Just incase, I will link an article about safe sex here: Safe, Sound & Sexy: A Safer Sex How-To. Take care!

[Mo]

I do want to add one note about pulling out while using a condom: please make sure your boyfriend knows to hold the base of the condom while withdrawing! Pulling out very suddenly without holding onto the condom can make it more likely to slip off.
One thing some people find helpful is getting some emergency contraception to have on hand in case it's ever needed; often it will have an expiration date a few years out so you can hold onto it for a while. That way, if you do wind up needing it, you'll be able to take it within a few minutes and can get maximum effectiveness from it without having to worry about getting to a pharmacy right away.