Scarleteen

so it's been a little while since I posted last and things have gotten largely better - I've stopped thinking so much about orgasming and have learned to just focus on feeling good in my body, and I've had some really good experiences since then! however there's one problem that's popped up that's annoying me more.

last year, due to roommate situation and a lower libido overall I ended up only masturbating every two weeks or so, but now I'm generally doing it once or twice a week, and I've found myself running out of material to read to help me focus. I've found that visual porn, either illustrations or real pictures of people, does very little to arouse me, but reading erotic stories is very helpful for me. unfortunately, since I've been masturbating more frequently reading the stories I like has begun to feel repetitive and no longer has the same effect. lately even when I've branched out and found new stories it hasn't felt right either, because none of them seem to capture the same emotions in me.

I also have had issues just trying to work with my imagination. often when I'm just out and about I'll randomly think about sexual situations with my boyfriend and start to feel aroused, but this is always at an inconvenient time. when I try to fantasize while masturbating, my brain draws a blank and I can't think of anything. this is frustrating and makes it hard to keep going.

another issue is that it takes me around an hour and a half to two hours to really feel satisfied. this by itself isn't an issue, but it makes finding enough material to keep me going very challenging. if I don't have something to look at, my mind wanders and it stops feeling as good, and then it becomes frustrating until I can find something to occupy me again.

I don't really have a good way to end this, partially just wanted to vent a little and also wondering if anyone has advice on how to deal with this

Hi there purple_triangle, sorry to hear you're finding things a bit frustrating at the moment, hopefully having the opportunity for some venting has already been a bit helpful! With regards to suggestions, would writing down the ideas you have when you think of them in a private notes space in your phone work for you (even just a couple of words you could expand on or type into a search later)? That may help with drawing a blank when you want to remember it (something that I can relate to!).

In terms of mind wandering, whilst you mention that you prefer read stories, perhaps accompanying them with a relevant image that would help you stay focused on the narrative could be something you can try? It could be a kind of archor that you may find your brain finds useful as a prompt in that way. If an image is less useful, you could also experiment with how your brain might like sound associations, this could be having a playlist, album or song that you put on a loop when you read the story and think about it, associating them could help you stay focused on the material/in the head space.

In terms of finding new material, have you had much luck looking for similarly themed repositories of erotica online that may increase your options? Sometimes it can take a while to find the ones that suit what we want and that can be a bit frustrating, but there is a plethora of material out there so in all likelihood you will find new materials you like too.