can’t climax without a vibrator

[avocadotoast]

ok final question lol. apparently i had a couple things to get off my chest haha.

so my whole life i’ve found it kinda hard to orgasm. when i was a little younger the only way i could orgasm was using a vibrator and now i’m 18 i’m still the same, the only way i can orgasm is with a vibrator. part of me thinks i’ve made some kind of mistake and i should have tried to use my hands when i was younger because now i can’t; but also part of me thinks maybe i was just born like this and i’m a little more difficult to please? i’m not sure but either way i’m here now so i gotta deal with it haha.

(it also took me a while to figure out if i had actually orgasmed or not. i finally saw a tiktok post that clarified that an orgasm can be anything from 2 to 40ish(?) ‘pulses’ (i forget the exact number) and since then i’ve realised that i do have climaxes and the realisation has also made them more pleasurable for me since i’m not wondering if i’m not reaching my full potential haha)

but this does mean that for the two people that i’ve been with sexually, neither has managed to make me orgasm. the first was a long term relationship and i hadn’t really figured out communication yet so i wasn’t the best at telling them what i needed to get there. the second was a hookup with a friend. each time, as soon as the thought ‘i’m taking too long’ entered my head it became impossible. (i still had a great time with both of them, i don’t need to orgasm to have a good time.) since that last hookup, i’ve had the realisation that anyone i’m with wants to make me feel good as well as me making them feel good, and it isn’t selfish to want them to spend time on me. i’m quite happy with this realisation!

now i’m starting to experiment with a guy (first person i’ve been with that had a penis) and he’s the kind of person that likes spending time on me, so i’m looking forward to maybe having that moment with him. (although i’m not putting any pressure on the situation because frankly that won’t help and i’ll be perfectly happy if i don’t!) i guess i’m just looking for tips on how to maybe get there- how to get out of my head, lose myself in the moment a little more, maybe help him along, etc? i want to try to get there without a vibrator but maybe i should bring one?

also, is it possible that i made my clitoris less sensitive by only using a vibrator? i know im definitely less sensitive than when i first started masturbating which i think is normal (?) but yeah i guess im just curious?

[Nicole]

Hi again! First and foremost, it is totally normal for people who have vaginas to not reach orgasm, especially when engaging with a partner. It is actually really common for them to mainly gain pleasure from utilizing vibrators. Here is an article that might help alleviate your concerns: The Great No-Orgasm-From-Intercourse Conundrum. Also, I am glad you are reflecting on your past sexual experiences and realizing that your partners can enjoy making you feel good too.

Now, for your question about the vibrator, here is an article that might help you out: Do vibrators cause a loss of sensitivity?. While I understand your concern, some people may just have particular ways of reaching orgasm, so it definitely wouldn't hurt to bring your vibrator just incase. If you want to really lose yourself in the moment, the best thing I can recommend is to experiment with your partner in a comfortable and safe environment, communicate, relax, and take it slow. I know I've been dropping a bunch of information on you, but I do have one more article that I think will really help you out: Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide. I know you are new to our website, so definitely take some time to explore the information and resources that we have available!

Please let me know if any of this resonates with you. I'm happy to help! Take care.