Age gap in relationship

[Bubblegumkid]

Soooo I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. We've been dating for over a year now. I really love and care about him but him being away for do long is very hard for me since i do miss him being physically next to me. So what happened is over the weekend during running errands in town i bumped into this guy. He asked for my number and i gave it to him. Honestly i did think that we wouldn't speak very much since I'm a terrible texter and i end up ignoring people but then he called me as soon as he got home and we started speaking. Too my surprise i learned he was 30 years old(!I'm currently 18 years old )--to my defence he didn't look that old--. As much as it scared me that he was that old. I think i got a sense of thrill since I've never been in a relationship with someone that old (creepy i know ) so then it came to a point where he asked to see me again . I met up with him and he asked me to be in a relationship with him. I told him we should take things slow and whatever happens happens. The second time i net with him he wanted me to go chill with him and his friends. I told him i wasn't comfortable with that and so he bought me food and ice cream and we just drove around town conversating and learning more about each other. It was nice I'll admit. Unlike my boyfriend he calls me regularly to check up on me and tell me about what he's up too. I'm struggling to differentiate weather i like him or the attention he gives me. I know what I'm doing is wrong since i have a boyfriend and the gent is way older than me. I'm just conflicted and confused. I've never imagined myself cheating let alone with such an older person. Please share your thoughts.

[Mo]

Hi Bubblegumkid,

There are a few things to address here, I think. The first step may be to really consider whether you're willing to cheat on your boyfriend for this guy (assuming you and your boyfriend have an agreement in place to be monogamous). That's a really serious thing to do, one that will likely do the relationship a lot of harm. We really can't recommend cheating, or being dishonest to a partner about cheating if it does happen.

While I don't think an age gap in a relationship will always be a problem, sadly it's very common for older men who initiate relationships with women just entering adulthood to be not-that-great partners, at the very least. We have an article about this which I think you might find helpful to read: Why I Deeply Dislike Your Older Boyfriend. I can't say for sure what this guy is like, but even setting aside the issue of cheating on your existing partner, I'd be extremely wary about approaching a relationship with this person.

You mention that you aren't sure if you like this guy or if you like the attention he's giving you, and I think that's a really good thought to sit with for a while. I know that one of the challenges with long distance relationships can be that people feel they aren't getting the time or attention from a partner that they want; how is that relationship feeling overall, right now? Are there things you'd like from your boyfriend that you aren't getting? Would you like to talk more often, or plan some other ways for you to feel cared for? Does it feel like the attention you're getting from this older guy is making up for something that's missing in your current relationship? It may be time to check in with your boyfriend and share some of how you're feeling.