Scarleteen

this is my second post in the span of a few minutes haha, this site seems really useful and i honestly wish i had found it sooner!

so for context i’m afab nb 18, and thus far ive been with 2 people, both of whom had vaginas. ive only ever put/had someone else put 1 (or rarely 2) fingers in my vagina, because anything more than that hurts. but i was never too worried about it because i was pretty much only attracted to women/nb people/people with vaginas.

(to clarify, yes i was always relaxed and turned on, and ‘wet’, so i don’t think it’s an issue or anything like that, i think i just have a tight vagina?)

however, recently ive been questioning whether i have any attraction to men. ive been experimenting with a guy friend of mine who has a penis, and we’ve been talking about the possibility of trying penetrative sex. i think you can see where this is going- i’m not sure how his penis is going to fit inside. (gotta laugh at myself a bit here haha)

before you ask, i’m super comfortable with him- i know we’re not dating but we have a good connection and i wouldn’t hesitate to communicate anything to him. i have mentioned this to him before, and he repeated that there was absolutely no pressure and that we didn’t need to do anything i wasn’t comfortable with.

i guess i’m wondering whether my vagina will loosen up a bit over time? should i try and practice opening it up? because i usually get pain when i try to and just give up because i didn’t see the point when i had female partners, but should i just lube up and persevere so it’s less painful if i do end up having penetrative sex with him? any advice on this would be great haha thanks.

also, i’m not entirely sure if i still have a hymen or not, maybe that’s getting in the way? because it is a sort of tight pain at the entrance when i try. i sort of figured my hymen was broken because i’ve fingered myself and used tampons before but maybe this isn’t the case? if so, how do i tell?

thanksss :)))

Hi avocadotoast, we are happy to help! The cool thing about the vagina is that it's a muscle, so it can expand to the size of what is inside of it. It is extremely flexible and can vary on how big or small it can be when something is inside of it. When you take out whatever you put inside of it, it simply retracts to its resting size. There is really no such thing as "tightness" or "looseness." With this, masturbation should not hurt, it should make you feel good. I know you said that you were relaxed and lubricated, so this might just come from the form of masturbation that you are using. It also might help to take it slow and ease into it. I know you said that you have had a tampon and fingers inserted in your vagina before, but I think taking a look at this article might help you improve your situation: Painful fingering. This piece also provides links to other resources that I think you might benefit from reading.

Also, we have a great article that discusses the hymen and the concept of "breaking" it. Here's a link: My Corona: The Hymen & the Myths That Surround It. Please let me know if it helps! Take care.