do i ask him to get an sti test?

[avocadotoast]

hiya! i’m new to this site, just stumbled across it so i hope i’m putting this in the right place!!

so for context, i’m afab nb (18) and thus far i have only been with two people, both of whom had vaginas. the first i was in a long term relationship with- they had a test before we got together and they were my first so i believe there is no cause for concern there. the second was a hookup with a friend but similar deal- they had fingered one girl before (both of them had never done anything sexually beforehand). it’s been about a year since this- should i get an sti test or is it not necessary?

onto the second part of my question- up until recently, i thought i was only into girls/nb people and i’ve never been with a guy/someone with a penis. i’ve been questioning that recently and exploring the possibility of attraction to men. i have this guy friend who i’ve been experimenting with, and we’ve been talking about the possibility of trying penetrative sex. he’s been with a fair amount of people before (some he’s had penetrative sex with and others he’s fingered or given oral sex to) - as far as i’m aware he’s always worn a condom. should i ask him to get an sti test?

thanks in advance!

[Nicole]

Hi avocadotoast, thank you for reaching out and welcome to Scarleteen! If you are/were sexually active, then it would not hurt to get an STI test. Many people aim to do this about every 6-12 months, but this depends on accessibility and if they have multiple partners. There are even people in monogamous relationships that get STI tests because it's just better to be safe. If an STI test will give you a peace of mind and you are able to access it, then go for it!

As for the second part of your question, if asking him to get an STI test will make you more comfortable, then I do not see why it should be a problem! The best thing I can say is to bring it up respectfully in the conversation. Many people continue to hold negative stigmas with STIs and STI testing, so it is important to navigate this conversation carefully depending on how your partner feels about STI testing. With this, do you know if he was tested in the past? Knowing this information might help navigate the conversation with him. Let me know if this helps and take care!

[avocadotoast]

i’m not sure if he’s had a test before truthfully, i’m planning on asking him (in a respectful way of course, no worries about that. he and i are both pretty good at communicating and i’m very comfortable with him so i don’t think it would be too awkward a conversation to have haha) i guess i was more just asking if, given the fact that he has had multiple partners in the past (i’m not just talking a couple, i mean a lot lol) would it be wise to ask him to get one if he hasn’t before? or is it safe to assume we’ll be safe if we use a condom? i’m very new to ‘straight sex’ haha. thanks for your reply!

[Nicole]

Hi and no problem! I think you should definitely ask him if he has been tested in the past before asking him to get tested in the future. I know you are comfortable with him but many people really do hold particular stigmas with STIs and STI testing, so I just want you to be careful! Again, if it makes you comfortable for him to get tested, then go for it! While condoms can help with preventing STIs, they are still not 100% effective, just like with most contraceptives. There is always a risk that condoms can tear, break, or fall off. It seems like contracting an STI concerns you and I am sure that him getting tested will definitely help you feel more comfortable.