Scarleteen

I've identified as a lesbian for almost three and a half years now, however I used to identify as bi. After my first (and only) boyfriend I started identifying as a lesbian because I felt nothing but disgust and discomfort the entire relationship. I haven't been attracted to a guy in years, but there's a person I go to school with who I find attractive and he happens to be trans. He hasn't transitioned nor is he masculine presenting. Even though I know he's a guy I still find him attractive and wouldn't be opposed to getting to know him. I know sexuality is fluid and that things can change over time but I'm not sure what to do. What if I get to know him and end up liking him. What do I call myself and what do I tell people who already know me to identify as a lesbian. I'm an over thinker and really not sure what to do.

Hi Imjustme,
Welcome to the boards! We can't really tell you what your sexuality is, but we can provide some information that can help you figure out ways to identify or label yourself. You are right though; a person's sexuality can change throughout their life. People go through similar things to what you've been through--exploring and seeing what feels right. I do want to ask, why does this change worry you? Is it about changing the label that you have always referred to yourself as or just the possibility of being attracted to a man? I'm going to link an advice column that might help ease your worries about your sexuality. This may not be exactly like your situation, but I think it is similar enough to help: How do I define my sexual orientation if I like a trans man?

I think it worries me for both reasons. I feel like because I've used this label for quite a while changing it will feel weird and I don't really want to have to explain myself to people who might ask. It also worries me because I haven't even fathom the thought of being with a guy in years, and change sometimes really scares me. It's like what if I don't give it a chance and miss out on something great or what if I do and I end up regretting it big time.

I totally understand where you are coming from. Frankly, I don't think you owe anyone an explanation for who you are attracted to! Change can be frightening, but also incredibly eye-opening and can help you learn and grow from your experiences. In this case, I think you should take it slow. It wouldn't hurt to at least reach out to the person and see if you have any common interests with him or want to hangout outside of school. Simply taking it one step at a time and seeing where this relationship ends up could be a solid middle ground in your situation! What do you think?

I think I could do that. As I said before I not opposed to getting to know him. I'm just a bit anxious and I'm also kind of a shy when it comes to new people. Thank you, this truly did help!

No problem! Please let us know how it goes if you feel comfortable. Also let us know if you have any further questions. Take care!