Scarleteen

Hey,
So I have a small problem.
I’m 21, and I’ve only had sex with one person. I lost my virginity to my ex when I was 20. I wouldn’t say the sex was good, it was mediocre at best but our relationship wasn’t built off sex. Plus im a firm believer that sex can be taught. However, we broke up and I’m not going to lie that experience really turned me off sex completely and I realised that I’m actually not sexually open at all. I’m just a prude and I hate it. I still get horny like everyone else but for some reason I can’t initiate sexual conversation, or be suggestive or flirt sexually. It’s like I’m not promiscuous at all. I don’t get why I can’t just be normal. Why don’t I enjoy sex? why can’t I even be a little bit suggestive? why am I so boring? I honestly feel like I have a personality flaw because it comes so easy to everyone around me. I don’t like a lot of things sexually that are seen as so normal to everyone around me. I just don’t get why I’m such a boring vanilla chick who doesn’t even enjoy sex.
Help.

Hi keBurner! First, I just want to emphasize that nothing is wrong with you. Everyone has a different relationship with sex. You mentioned that you struggle to initiate sexual conversation or being flirty, is that because you need to form some kind of trusting relationship with the individual first or because you are facing insecurity from your previous sexual experience? Could you expand on what is holding you back from these conversations? Also, you might think that is comes "easy" to the people around you, but we really don't know what's going on in their minds! Everyone experiences sexual attraction differently and it should not be forced. With all of this in mind, I have some articles that I think you could benefit from reading, I'll link them below! They may not be like your exact situation, but they seem similar enough! Please let me know if any of them resonate with you.

• Don't Want to Have Sex?

• What's wrong with a lack of interest in or desire for sex? Nothing.

• I'm just not interested anymore!

Lastly, you do mention that you get horny, so I do want to ask--what feels good for you? If you are not interested in sexual contact with other people but rather yourself, then that is totally okay. That's just how you're feeling at the moment and you should not force anything that you do not feel comfortable doing!