Scarleteen

Hi,
So I’ve got this friend that I like romantically, and I’ve been told that they have a crush on me. Apparently they’ve actually said it themself. But they’re openly asexual. They’ve also said stuff like they hate romance books, and I guess I was just under the impression that they didn’t ever like people like that? I guess I’m not entirely sure what it means to be asexual. I have absolutely nothing against dating an asexual person, I’m just not sure what it means for them to like me if they’re asexual?

Hey a369 -- asexuality is an orientation usually defined by a focus on romantic, aesthetic, spiritual, or physical intimacy, or on non-sexual friendship, rather than on sexual attraction or sexual intimacy. A very important thing to remember about asexuality, and sexual orientations in general, is that there is no on way to experience it. Our resource Just the Basics, Ace: An Asexuality Primer goes over some of those diverse differences. I noticed on your profile that you're questioning whether or not you are bisexual or biromantic asexual. I bring this up because I imagine how you experience your asexuality may also differ from your friend. If you want to think more about what this identity means for you personally, I think you could check out Am I Asexual? to jumpstart that processing.

As for what this all means for you in the context of dating this person, well... I don't think there's a way for us to tell you that. The asexual community is diverse and asexual people have a wide variety of experiences, so we're unable to give an accurate assumption about how your friend operates. But what I can say is that the most common theme in asexuality is prioritizing other types of attraction and relationships over explicitly sexual ones, so that might be something to expect. At the end of the day, the best way to determine this would be having a conversation with your friend directly.