Scarleteen

I am a trans man and a comfortable vagina owner. I have known for sometime now that I am interested in having sex, but that I would be more of a giver than a receiver. However, I read, write, and daydream all day about smut and sex, and have been doing so for at least the past four years. I have never been turned on by it physically, but it send the happy chemicals to my brain.

While I'm not highly concerned about this, I find it confusing that the closest thing that I've ever felt to arousal, is the feeling that comes when I really need to pee. I've looked into some hyper-specific kink fan fictions, and while they are enjoyable, I am still not actually aroused.

I have tried touching my self, with clitoral and vaginal stimulation and even with the best mood setting books and music I could find, it did nothing for me, and was almost uncomfortable. Personally I look forward to a future sex life, and I want to be able to pleasure a partner or partners, but I am unsure what to do if I genuinely gain nothing from it.

I have always been more into sex conceptually, which is why in my future I foresee possible power play or role play dynamics, but what do I do if I can't actually get off to any of that?

Hi Kuriosity,

It sounds like you've been doing a lot of experimentation and exploration around all this, which is a great step! Too, it sounds like you're getting some pleasure out of this, even if it's happening purely on the brain end of things, so you do get some positive sensations out of those experiments.

In the past, what physical sensations other than that feeling of needing to pee tend to happen when you try masturbating. Does it feel like nothing, or like rubbing another part of your body (like your arm)? Is it painful at all? Does it feel even a little bit pleasurable?

I would say it generally just feels like when I touch any party of my body. There are some occasions where it even feels uncomfortable, not quite painful but nearing it.

Hi Kuriosity, you are definitely not alone here. With your situation, I always advise to look into other forms of masturbation to see if that changes anything. We also recommend that you don’t necessarily go into masturbating with the goal to orgasm, but rather find what feels good to you. Other than that, it’s good that you’re looking into and experimenting with other forms of sexual activity, such as power play or role dynamics. There are cases where people simply enjoy giving more than receiving, as you mentioned yourself. Some people find it pleasurable to pleasure other people and that’s totally normal. I know you’re concerned about your future sex life, but as of right now, you can’t exactly predict or assume what could happen. Often, people find a partner that they really trust and form a healthy sexual relationship with them. They explore things together and see what feels good. I know it’s easier said than done but worrying about the future will lead to causing more harm than good!